Like so many others, I was in a toxic relationship. At the time, I thought it was love and when I finally got out of the relationship I realized how naïve I was. I’m not saying it was completely my exes fault, I let so many things slide throughout the relationship that I shouldn’t have, which made it seem like it was okay to do. As a result from this relationship, I keep my heart guarded. Not every relationship we have is meant to last forever, especially a toxic one.

I thought that if he loved me and I loved him that I had to move past what was hurting me and forget it. I spent nights in my room crying over how he had hurt my feelings, but felt no remorse.

I thought that love had no bounds, and that a simple “I’m sorry” fixed everything. I thought that “I’m sorry” meant it wouldn’t happen again.

I thought knowing the password to his phone was enough to keep him from talking to other girls, no matter how many times he did.

I thought that posting constantly about him on social media would make the girls go away. I boasted about our relationship and how happy we were, even if we weren’t. It was better to lie than give anyone the chance to make a move.

I thought that if I spent every possible minute with him, that he wouldn’t have time to cheat on me.

I thought that if he felt I was pretty, that I was. I can’t tell you how many times throughout this relationship he had told me he didn’t like the way I styled my hair. So, I would change it and never wear it like that. I wouldn’t cut my hair short because he liked it long. I wouldn’t wear my hair in a bun because if he didn’t think I was beautiful, I didn’t either.

I thought that I had to choose a college that was nearby instead of going to New York, because he said long distance was too difficult.

I thought that fighting was the best form of communication; because that was the only way I could get him to listen to me.

I thought that my friends were bad because he didn’t like them.

This relationship was toxic to how I looked at love. I had a few relationships after I had finally ended my toxic one, but they were all short-term. I kept looking for the same relationship I had, because that’s what I thought love was. I thought that how we acted in that toxic relationship was what it was like to be in a serious relationship.

Awhile later, I met someone who loved me for myself and I started looking back on this toxic relationship. I realized how wrong I was originally about love.

Love isn’t something you alone have to fight for. It’s a constant effort between both people in the relationship. A toxic relationship showed me the difference between simply saying that you love someone, and proving it. Love is seeing the beauty underneath the makeup, and finding someone who sees you for who you really are, and not the way they think you should be. Love is a compromise, and being willing to admit that you are wrong sometimes. Love is an action, not just a word.