If you're like me, it's not that you don't like parties, you just don't like going alone because then you feel like you look like the weird person in the corner when really, you can be fun and cool if the voices in your head would just leave you alone long enough. If you are not like me, then you can just skip reading this, but if you are, here is a guide to surviving a party-Zombieland style.
RULE 8: GET A KICK-ASS PARTNER
Going to a party is already somewhat awkward; you're not sure who will be there, does your outfit look okay, should you drink, etc. That's why bringing a plus one is key (at least then you can lean against the wall with someone instead of alone). Like Columbus, who needed a partner to help him survive a zombie attack, which, even though a party where a bunch of people are asking you questions you don't have answers to may feel like you're being attacked by a horde of zombies, you'll need a kick-ass partner to watch your back.
RULE 27: INCOMING!
Just like Columbus, you always need to be aware of your surroundings because you never know what's going to be around the corner. It may not be a zombie, but it could be someone with a drink ready to be spilt on the next person who is walking around not paying attention.
RULE 16: OPPORTUNITY KNOCKS
Now, we have all heard this saying before, but it's true! Going to a party can open doors for you whether that's giving you a chance to make some new friends or finally get the courage to try guacamole again despite that one time at that restaurant. If it's an office party you're at, it can give you the opportunity to casually (but still professionally) talk to your weirdly intimidating (even though he's only 5 years older than you) boss or chat-up that cute coworker.
RULE 10: DON’T SWING LOW
For this rule, Columbus was referring to where not to hit a zombie (always aim for the head). In our scenario, you don't want to swing too low…on the dance floor. Yeah, you might feel like you look super cool and flexible from all that yoga you've been doing but before you realize it, you've either ripped your pants because you attempted to twerk or have fallen face-first on the making you no longer look cool.
RULE 22: WHEN IN DOUBT, KNOW YOUR WAY OUT
Okay, so let's say this party scene isn't going well for you; you ripped your pants (which that sweater around your waist isn't fooling anyone), your tried that guac hoping this time would be different, but it wasn't so your intestines are more torn-up than your pants, and your kick-ass partner is flirting in the corner with that cute coworker. It's time to bail, but you don't want to draw anymore attention to yourself so it's a good thing you noticed all the exits and have rehearsed your excuse to leave. Now you just have to ninja-stealth your way through the crowd and to the door before your so-called kick-ass partner asks you to give them and that cute coworker a ride back to their place.
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