If my friends know anything about me, it's that I love spewing stupid one liners. Nothing makes me laugh harder than a well worded, witty one liner, especially when it comes to comedy roasts.

Now, I'm no expert. I mean, I've watched celebrity roasts on Comedy Central, but that's like saying I'm a professional interior designer because I watch HGTV. I just find writing roasts to be entertaining. It allows me to really observe my friends, their mannerisms, their passions and intense dislikes. It's a great way to get to know friends even better. There is an art to roast humor that I do not think many appreciate. With carefully crafted words, what could sound like a malicious insult may, in fact, be a witty and poignant observation, and that's what I'm here to help you with.

Step 1: Find a friend.

Ideally, this is a friend you have known for a good while, or at least long enough that you can bounce sarcastic comments at each other without being genuinely hurt or offended. If you're not at that stage with your friend, skip out on the roast. It could actually hurt their feelings. Don't ruin the friendship while you still have it. Once you found your target, we can move to step two

Step 2: Tell them you have plans to write a roast about them.

Whatever the occasion may be (they make for great birthday cards), it is best to warn them so they can build up some thick skin. Everyone likes a good surprise birthday party, but perhaps not a surprise roast fest.

Step 3: Gather as much intel as possible.

It's crucial to have as much information as you can on your friend so you'll have a lot of material to work with. Remember, no matter how funny you think you are, writing a roast is a process, which leads me to step four.

Step 4: Write the roast.

Well, obviously, you may be saying, but it's important to lay out your intentions for writing this roast. You care about them, and you love spending time with them. Emphasize that what you say is with caring intentions.

Step 5: Present the roast.

So, you're finished, and whether you decide to slip the roast in an envelope or read it to your whole squad the best method of presentation depends on the friend. Not sure how to give it to them? Just ask.

Congratulations! You've successfully written your first roast for your first friend and roast victim! Happy roasting!