Insecurities. We all have them. We think about them when deciding our outfits for the day and when we decide how much make-up we think we need to put on to cover up those marks. Sometimes, we see them looking back at us when we look in the mirror. Taunting us. For some of us, it's a daily struggle.
We play it off as a joke to make ourselves believe that it's not a big deal and we hide the things that make us feel insecure. We may wear baggy t-shirts to hide our tummy or apply some concealer to cover that new pimple, but we still think about it. We do this because every single day, women are bombarded with so much pressure to conform to an impossible standard of beauty.
However, there are a lot of positive messages coming full-throttle as a result of it too. Hashtags such as #bodypos #treatyoself #loveyourself are all trending and even celebrities are speaking out about loving their bodies the way they are! But the big question is - how? How am I supposed to love my body and love myself after years of hating it and being told that it's not beautiful? I know I am supposed to because I am told that I should, but how!?
After years of searching, here are the 10 good habits I've learned to use in order to "train" your self-esteem.
1. Find something you like about yourself and FOCUS on it.
There has to be at least one quality about yourself you absolutely love. Maybe it's your sparkling eyes, your beautiful lips, your clear skin, your elegant hands, or your collarbones. There's something beautiful about yourself that you love, it can be abstract or it can be very blatant. The more you focus on the parts you like about yourself, the more you will find.
2. Find the things you don't like about yourself and figure out how you can improve them.
Okay, so maybe there's some things you don't like about yourself. But you can improve on that aspect in a way that makes you most comfortable. Start exercising or eating healthier, skip the soda and drink water or tea. You don't have to go on some crazy diet, cleanse, or workout to improve you. Baby steps and small changes will yield great results.
3. If you can't fix it, accept it!
I really hate my nose, but I'm not going to get a nose job anytime soon, so I might as well accept my nose for how it is! Hating the parts of yourself you cannot change is a waste of your very important time. Spend a few seconds every day acknowledging what purpose this feature has. My nose is a good nose because it helps me breathe, it doesn't have to be aesthetically pleasing to anyone (not even me) in order to do its job. Slowly, I am doing little things like taking a side selfie that promotes the angle of my nose, rather than hiding it. Eventually, I will embrace my nose because it is my nose and it is a good nose because it does a good job.
4. Wear what makes you happy and confident!
Stop wasting your time reading about things that are "flattering" to your body type! Wear what you love and work it, girl! If you are happy in pastels and skirts then it doesn't matter what your skin tone or hips look like or what a blogger has to say about it. Don't let your fears get in the way of being who you are.
5. Surround yourself with positive people who love you and will compliment your eyebrows.
Toxic people are everywhere. They are insecure and they want to bring you down. GET RID OF THEM. Surround yourself with the kind of friends who notice how good your hair looks today, who will compliment your eyebrows after you just did them, and who will fan-girl over how perfect your winged eyeliner looks today. These are your true friends, and in return, always compliment other people for clearly putting effort into their look today. We all have those lazy days of yoga pants and t-shirts, so whenever someone actually put forth the effort into putting on make-up, you better believe I'm going to let her know how beautiful she looks today.
6. Your unique features are a GOOD thing!
"You are so used to your features, you don't know how beautiful you look to a stranger."
-unknown
You see so much of yourself and you spend so much time picking yourself apart that you have no idea how beautiful your features are! At first glance your smile could brighten someone's day, your teeth could shine with the radiance of the sun, or maybe the sound of your voice you find so annoying is like a melody to someone new. You are so unique and there is no one in this world who is exactly like you, appreciate the things that make you different. If a model can become world famous for her gap-tooth smile, why can you love yours?
7. Don't compare yourself to anyone else.
This is a mistake we are all guilty of, it's hard not to. There's so many people all the time that we see as "prettier, happier, or better." The truth is that while you are wishing you had straighter hair, she is wishing she had your curly hair. Everyone spends too much time wanting what they can't have and not enough time loving what they already have. We are all different, and this is a good thing.
8. Society doesn't get to pick what's beautiful, you do.
Nobody can control your life and your self-esteem but you. You are the decision maker and the dictator of your choices. You get to choose what looks good on you and what doesn't. You get to choose what your eyebrows look like today or what you do with your hair. Trends will come and go, and not all of them are a good idea to follow, but as long as you choose to invest in yourself and doing what you love, you are choosing to be beautiful. No one can take that away from you.
9. Remind yourself every day how perfect you really are.
Think about every day you spend putting yourself down. Why? Every second you spend analyzing everything that is "wrong" with you is the time you could be spending telling yourself how perfect you are. Maybe you don't believe it quite yet, but you want to? You want to believe in yourself. You want to love yourself and you can. Focus on the goal. Tell yourself! Every. Single. Day. Look in the mirror and say "I am perfect. I am beautiful. I love you. I love myself" Say it out loud. #FLAWLESS
10. Confidence is the ultimate key, and if you don't have it, fake it 'til you make it.
You have come to the end of your training, my friend. You now know what it takes to train your self-esteem. Go out there and work at it! Have confidence in yourself. If you have none right now, that is completely okay. You're still in training, remember? Fake it 'til you make it and soon you will have the confidence to surpass any runway model!
Insecurities. We all have them, but they do not have to control us. We all have the power to choose our own path and our own definition of beauty. If you're not confident, that's okay. If you're not happy, that's okay. Just remind yourself that today, you are alive and you can make a change. Today, you can choose to be beautiful. Choose to be happy.
