There are some things the basic white girl can’t help but do.
This list will help you spot the inner white girl in anyone (even yourself), regardless of whether they meet the physical description or not.
1. You “literally can’t even” at least once a day. This one seems like it could be rendered obsolete since it is the staple of every basic white girl joke. Could be, but isn’t. I still catch myself saying this one (yes, I’m admitting to being a basic white girl), and I still hear girls saying it, like, literally 500 times a day. It seems to be the only appropriate response to being annoyed, happy, angry or sad. Basically if you have any emotions at all, you literally can’t even.
2. You follow the unspoken rules of Instagram. This means you don’t post more than once a day, max. Preferably, it’s more like once a week. You post either late at night or early in the morning so the most people will see it (i.e. you’ll get more likes). You might even delete your picture if it doesn’t get enough likes.
3. You know every word to “Mean Girls” and “Pitch Perfect.” And you will never, ever get tired of watching them, on repeat, forever.
4. You get annoyed when the Starbucks people misspell your name. I mean, how many ways are there to spell Gaby, anyways? Just Gabby, Gabi, Gabbie…I’ve even gotten Gabe once or twice. Now that I think about it, I don’t think I’ve ever gotten my name spelled right.
5. You’ve talked about your “Netflix addiction” on more than one occasion. If you have nothing to talk about with someone else you probably just bring up Netflix. Even if you like two completely different types of television, you’ll find a way to bond over your mutual love for that box that tells you, “Next episode will automatically play in 15 seconds.”
6. You shamelessly love the songs “Talk Dirty” and “Timber” and dance crazily every time they come on. And you don’t understand why I added “shamelessly” in there.
7. You have to have the newest iPhone. You probably get really annoyed when a new iPhone comes out and you can’t actually get it. If you don’t have an upgrade anytime soon, there’s basically no point in a new iPhone even coming out. Oh, and it’s also a given that you have an iPhone in the first place.
8. You firmly believe that leggings are pants. I mean, who cares if they’re borderline see-through? They’re the most comfortable things in the world. Unless you’re just going pants-less. Which, if you’re a true basic white girl alone at home, you most definitely are.
9. You have as many selfies on your phone as you do pictures with your friends. Maybe more. It’s a good hair day, okay? No shame in wanting to document it.
10. Being tan is the biggest goal you set for yourself this summer. Forget about fluffing up your resume with that great internship. It’s 9-5, which means your pool days would be severely limited. And that simply. Can. Not. Happen.
11. You abbreviate more words than you use full ones. Okay, maybe “jeal” and “ridic” aren’t too bad. But when you start substituting “belig” for belligerent and “hilair” for hilarious, you know you have a problem.
If you notice at least half of these traits in yourself, then congratulations. You probably have a basic white girl hidden inside somewhere. Don’t forget to let her out to play every now and then — you don’t want to see the temper tantrum that will ensue if you forget.
