It’s Friday night and you’ve finally scored a date with that cutie from work you've been flirting with for weeks. Everything is going well: Your date is laughing at your jokes, the food is delicious, and there's plenty of wine. No awkward silences, no spinach stuck in your teeth. And then the conversation turns to politics — one disconcerting comment about same-sex marriages, then an uncomfortable exchange about the immigration "problem." You’re probably thinking, “What the hell is going on here?!"
And then it dawns on you… This person is a Trump supporter! While your first instinct may be to run far, far away and never look back, there may be a way to salvage the date with some strategically formed political persuasion. And by persuasion, I do not mean responding with a “F*** you, you’re an idiot!”
We all know that most arguments about politics never seem to get anywhere. Think of opinionated Uncle Ted at Thanksgiving, who just won't shut up about gun control or the one-hundred-and-one ways that same-sex marriage is an abomination, no matter how hard you try to sway his views.
Psychologists have found a sound explanation for this social phenomenon. In a series of studies, researchers from Stanford University and the University of Toronto found that impassioned political debates often remain stagnant because we assume that our opponents share our values. That is, we overvalue the arguments we personally believe to be convincing — and wrongly believe that the other side will be swayed. So when your date starts explaining to you that Trump’s unfiltered approach is an asset — nay, a much-needed antidote to the political correctness that plagues this country — he may not actually give a shit that Trump is, in reality, a racist, sexist demagogue. You are on different moral playing fields; you are speaking French to someone who understands only Spanish.
However, the same studies found that “reframing” arguments to better reflect the values of one’s opponent is a far more compelling method of persuasion. While liberals may value fairness and equality, conservatives tend to value patriotism, moral purity, and respect for authority. Thus, when liberal policies are framed around conservative values like respect for authority and patriotism, conservatives can become more accepting of them. The same can be said of conservative policies recast in terms of liberal values like equality or fairness.
But back to your date. Say the conversation turns to building walls, fighting ISIS, and preventing Muslims from entering the country: simply repeating that Trump is a racist may not be the most effective way of persuading your date of this very obvious fact. Instead, try appealing to their sense of patriotism and respect for authority. Point to the obvious contradiction of Trump’s fervent support of the Second Amendment, but blatant disregard of the First. Ask how one can defend Trump’s disregard to our constitutional right to freedom of religion.
Then, simply repeat these "reframing" techniques to any Trump bullshit that comes up — sexism, homophobia, bigotry, prejudice, Islamophobia, general idiocy.
But if all else fails, it might just feel really damn good to smile and theatrically declare, “It’s not me, its definitely you — this just isn’t going to work out.”
