I waste a lot of time thinking about time. It's impossible to not think away all the time in the world, and to not believe you have forever, because time is an impossible concept. Sometimes you wake up and realize how much has passed when it's Christmas and you feel like it just ended from last year, or you see a baby that you haven’t seen in a while and they’re walking and laughing and learned how to say no.

Suddenly, it feels like your whole life is coming to a close - like the rest of time will rush by you and leave you behind, as if she will fast forward the world and you wont be able to run fast enough to keep up. Eventually, you forget about these thoughts. You are sucked back into your life, your job, your friends, whatever it is right in front of you, and time stops threatening you for a moment.

But that is also the issue, because she is still running you just forgot to chase her. You will miss moments that have moved on without you, your memories that now stand alone as just memories that will never happen again. No matter how long you try, you wont relive those, and living in the past is just as bad as not running for your future. Therefore, you are stuck somewhere in the middle hoping time doesn’t freeze you in your place or leave you in the dust, but that is exactly what she’ll do to all of us.

Time always leaves, but with her absence comes memories. I can hear time passing and I can kiss every second goodbye with a tick of the clock, but I can’t let myself do this for long or I will kiss away my whole life. The world is spinning so fast now a days. I blinked and my summer is gone, along with everything - well, almost - that was in it.

Sometimes I want to stop it, to stand on the tippy top of the world and yell until the whole world joins me; “this is not how it’s supposed to be”, and then God will hear us. But God will not stop a concept that he did not create - we have doomed ourselves, so we keep running.

I dream it will stop one day. We will stop rushing and running. You show up where you want to, when you want to, and this won’t result in getting fired - that is the dream (yet an impossible one). That you could stay young forever, and I wouldn’t want to cry over being old every birthday, despite only having 19 of them so far.

The world will leave you behind if you let it, that is the point. So do the things you want to do until we learn to slow down the world or expand human life, or God creates a pause button (which I’m sure will be happening any day now). In reality, our lives are long. Living is the longest thing you will ever do, and in this time there is a chance you could do everything if you try very hard - but none of us will.

Don’t forget that she is always running. Don’t forget to think sometimes about time, who is always coming up with ways to escape you. I think a lot about time - like I said, I waste what I have of it left trying to gain more. If we stopped tracking her, would she stop being an issue? Would she stop running away from us? Maybe stand still for awhile.