I'm the kind of person that lives to please the people around me. When I'm in a large group of people, I thrive when everyone is happy to be around me. I'm at my brightest when I've brought laughter and positivity to my environment, and let me tell you, that is the best feeling in the world.
The only downside to being a people pleaser is living with the fact that you truly cannot please everyone. No matter how many jokes I tell or conversations I do my best to hold, there will always be people that think I'm the worst. No matter who you are, you're going to exist in a world that doesn't think you're the best thing since sliced bread. It's just a matter of fact. As a people pleaser, it can be incredibly difficult to cope with the fact that someone genuinely thinks you're no good.
Throughout my life, this has been a part of being human that I have refused to accept. When a friend is angry with me, I cannot sleep or function until I've reached peace with that person. If a guy decides I'm "crazy," I will not give up until he decides that I'm the coolest person he knows. To the people that march so hard to the beat of their own drum that they can't hear the judgements of others, I say: never, ever change. On days that I allow myself to be enveloped in the feelings of others, I lay down at night feeling empty and alone. When I get in these kinds of moods, I use tactic I learned from a really incredible musician. Modsun says: "In my mind I see a dresser. There's a top drawer, middle drawer, bottom drawer. Every time a negative thought comes in, I put it in the bottom drawer. Open up the top, that's where I keep everything that makes me happy."
Sometimes I have to remind myself that life isn't always lived primarily in the good times. I won't always be a part of everyone's top drawer. However, that's what makes living such a unique and miraculous experience. If I were a part of every top drawer, what would be so special about it, anyway? In my top drawer there are memories, people, places and things that will always give me peace and contentment. In my bottom drawer, there are lessons learned, experiences, hard times. Rather than fight to constantly please the world around me, sometimes I have to take some time to look around my bottom drawer and recall how everything got there in the first place. Light cannot exist without the dark, just as our happiness cannot exist without sorrow and strife.
For every difficult moment kept in my bottom drawer, there is the comforting glow of the moments kept in the top. For every person that doesn't want you to be part of their life, there are people counting you among the things in their top drawer. For every argument and falling out, there are celebrations and memories to cherish infinitely.
The moral of my story is to live your life with reckless abandon for your placement in the dressers around you. Live your life for the magnificent clutter that will accumulate in your head as you grow and blossom. Stop living to please the room around you and start living to fill your top drawer with as much as it can carry.
