How to Stay Broken Up

How to Stay Broken Up

The path to success requires a plan… even for break-ups.
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The path to success requires a plan… even for break-ups.

The following are tried-and-tested rules for surviving the end of a romantic relationship, whether it be an intense-but-brief fling or a fifteen-year marriage.

1. Cut ties.

Explain to the ex that you need to isolate yourself from him or her to heal and then remove all contact from phone, email, Facebook and any other social media. (This is one place where Facebook stalking is damaging)

2. Catalogue Your Reasons

This is the time to make a list of the things you dislike about being in a relationship with this person and an explanation for why you are breaking up. It will be useful later during moments of weakness.

3. No contact for 60 days.

This means no phone, no IM, no email, no Facebook, no “Hey, I was just in the neighborhood.” No accidental run-ins at the gym. No hanging around her favorite nightspot. No late night sobbing voice-mails singing along to Lady Antebellum’s “Need You Now.” Nothing. Nada. Nope.

Zero contact means zero contact. If you trip up, accept it and restart the clock.

*If you have children, contact is inevitable. Pare interaction down to the minimum needed to communicate the parenting responsibilities. Nothing more, nothing less.

4. “Get busy”

Your circle might be smaller now, depending on the length of the relationship and how mutual friends are divvied up, but the quality of love and support from those left over, best friends, family and coworkers, will do wonders to offset the loneliness. Avoid honeymoon-phase couples, critical parents and babies, if you can.

5. Write down all the things you can enjoy now that you’re single.

This will force you to reframe your perceptions. It will shift your brain from thinking about the negative impact of the break-up to the positive opportunities now available without the attachment. It might take a few tries, depending on how upset you feel. If so, push through. You’ll find some good reasons. You might even end up with a new plan for your life. When you’re done, store it with the reasons you listed for the break-up.

6. Forgive yourself for your reaction. Accept what you feel.

Break-ups are f*cking painful. It’s a totally human and normal reaction to be dramatic, heartbroken, solemn, bitter, etc. If you miss him, let it be. If you say hateful things, let it be. If you do something stalkerish… well everyone has their weak moments. Let’s just all agree to forget about it, OK?

7. Actively let the person go.

This is simple but challenging. Whenever you begin to feel overwhelmed with grief… let the emotions surface (have a good cry if you need to). When finished, announce, out loud, “I am letting [ex's name] go.” It is incredibly relieving and you might be surprised by the physical reaction it fosters…

8. Procrastinate.

Make the following bargain with yourself: When you want to pick up the phone or drive to his place to reach out, commit to wait just one week. Promise yourself that if you still feel exactly as you do in that moment one week later you can indulge the impulse. If she truly cares about you, she will be receptive to it and you can work from there. This gives your fearful brain a light at the end of the tunnel in the form of an opportunity to click “undo.” Meanwhile, it gives your heart more time to reflect and heal without the confusion of the ex in your day-to-day experience. It’s a win-win. If it’s really not meant to be, the temptation will fade accordingly.

9. Trust that break-ups happen for a reason.

Something pulled you away, whether it was frustration or loss of lust or boredom or whatever… there is a good reason. Perhaps it’s something in you, perhaps it’s something in her, perhaps it’s something that happens only when the two of you come together. Perhaps it’s something that’s hard to easily describe (thus the lists) but it is definitely there. Trust yourself.

10. Own your decision

Much like monogamy, you have chosen to end a relationship and there will be temptation to stray from this commitment. The only difference is that instead of a promise to a lover, it’s a promise to yourself. You could even argue it is a promise to your as-yet-unnamed life’s love. Honor the decision. Stick to your guns. Ride it out. Soon, you’ll be ok (I promise).

Cover Image Credit: pixabay.com

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18 Things That Happen When You Get A Good Roommate

Not every roommate story is a bad one.
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Whenever you hear about roommate stories, they're almost never good, and they usually scare you into never wanting a roommate. "Did you hear her roommate steals her clothes?" "Her roommate doesn't shower!" "Wow, her roommate doesn't talk at all, and doesn't do laundry." From what I hear, there are more bad stories than good. That is why I consider myself lucky, because my roommate is nothing like one of those bad stories. When life hands you a good roommate after talking to about 40 girls through Facebook, a few things happen.

1. You always have someone to talk to.

2. You know each other's schedules, and whenever you both have a break is an exciting time.

3. You'll never have to dance alone.


4. You always have someone to do something with, even if it's just walking down the hall.

5. You both look out for each other, because this is your first time without your parents.

6. You always have a shoulder to lean on when things get tough.

7. Borrowing each other's things is a daily thing.

8. You TRY to help with each other's homework and assignments.

9. They're encouraging when it comes to boys. (Unless they're a f*ckboy.)

10. They're your biggest support system and your personal cheerleader.

11. They never forget to wish you luck on a big exam.

12. They accept how gross you are in the morning and not so pleasant sometimes.

13. You both know each other's favorite and least favorite things.

14. Leaving each other notes saying goodbye before class if you don't see them is normal.

15. Saying goodbye for breaks is upsetting.

16. Not seeing them all day is upsetting.

17. You have more pictures together than any of your other friends.

18. You found a best friend for life.

Cover Image Credit: Jordan Griffin

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22 Signs The Girls You've Met In College Will Be Part Of Your Girl Gang For Life

To the lovely ladies I've met in college that I can never imagine my life without again

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Let me just be the first to say, I honestly don't know how I survived the majority of my life without you guys.

Attending college out of state in a completely new area and not knowing a single soul, I was petrified of the idea of starting over. I had a great group of friends at home, and I wasn't ready to begin this new chapter of my life. Hearing my parents and family friends talk about the people they met in college only stressed me out even more because, what if I didn't meet "my people?"

Luckily, that's when you guys came along, and my life was changed forever.

1. You genuinely care about each other's happiness.

2. Talking 24/7 is absolutely necessary.  You basically have a 2nd boyfriend.

3. You know absolutely everything and more about each other...even the details that may be TMI.

4. Regardless of how dramatic it is, you can rely on one another for advice on absolutely anything.

5. You can't go more than 2 days without seeing one another...it's just not allowed. It feels like your 2nd boyfriend has mysteriously gone missing.

6. And when you go out together for a girls night, all hell breaks loose.

7. The best way to solve your problems is with each other, and a full glass of wine.

8. Somehow you lasted 18 years without them in your life, and you wonder every day how that was possible.

A friend like you is something I've always prayed to find, and I am so thankful I did.

9. You willingly shower each other with compliments like it is your job.

10. They give you that reality check every here and there when you are being more than overdramatic.

11. When something amazing happens, you immediately go to one another to celebrate.

12. They're always your support system no matter what.

13. They'll most likely be in your bridal party because they're the only people who will keep you mentally sane.

I wouldn't want anyone else beside me on my special day.

14. Staying mad at each other for long is just not even slightly possible.

15. You probably hate the same people, for the same reasons.

To the boy who screwed over your best friend, the girl who's secretly in love with your boyfriend, and the professor who gave you a bad grade, me and my best friend most likely talk about you!

16. No one will ever mistreat them, because they would have to go through you first.

17. You're right beside them when something intense is about to go down.

Neither of you will ever go through drama alone anymore, you've always got a go-to girl.

18. They're always loyal to you and your friendship, and fortunately, they're stuck with you forever.

19. Some of your best memories are with each other.

20. They always feel like sunshine when they're around.

The people who feel like the color yellow are the type of people you always want to keep in your life.

21. You will never allow a boy to make each other cry.

22. You remind them daily how much their friendship means to you.

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