The biggest challenge for me this year is being motivated to do my work. Out of my five classes, I have 3 that are asynchronous, so in those classes where I am not face to face with a professor, I feel unmotivated to do the work. I also feel as though I'm not learning much for these classes. I can do the work and turn it in on time, but am I really learning from my history 313 class, my reading 240 class and my math 110E class, no. Even in my two synchronous classes, your class (EDPS 322) and my math 108, I feel like I'm learning the most from your class. In my math 108 class, we are never on screen so I always do other things since the professor cannot see me. I will fold my clothes, make my bed and listen to music during her class because I'm not engaged at all. I can't see her most of the time and she can't see me, so why should I be paying attention (is often the mentality that I have. I'm trying to break it though). I am also really frustrated with my grades already. I feel like I'm putting a lot of pressure on myself to get a 4.0 again because I got it last year. In all my classes I have A's so far, but I feel like I can do better. I can push myself to go the extra mile to do well in the class, but then I just get lazy and do the bare minimum. I am also balancing going to work 5 days a week. It's not hard work, but it does require me to get up early in the morning and most times I feel like I'm not getting enough sleep at night. My roommate just decided that we should start eating healthier, but there is no real place to eat healthy on campus. Neither of us have a car on campus, so we rely on our parents to come and take us places. My allergies just started flaring up again today and I have been in bed, blowing my nose for the past 6 hours. I feel like death and I'm starting to develop bags under my eyes. I'm not stressing out that much because I know that my professors are really understanding and are trying their best with the new change as well, but I'm starting to feel really devoid of energy and lacking some motivation. My roommate will try to force me into doing my homework and I'm really thankful to have her, but most of the time, I am doing assignments the day of or late the day before. Did I also mention that I was accepted into the honors college over quarantine? I'm supposed to be getting my credit hours for that as well, but I just don't have the energy for it. If I can't do simple assignments, how would I be able to take on an even heavier workload? I'm really trying my best in assignments, but I often don't know how I scored on an exam or on an assignment until weeks later. It's also really hard to make friends on campus now. I'm glad that my roommate is one of my good friends from last year and my coworkers are all awesome, but it's difficult to meet new people with new regulations and masks on. I have seen a few people from last year at my work though (I work at the children's institute on campus). I got to be in a class with Jazmin this morning and I have seen Cody and Lauren a few times doing their practicum class. There are points throughout the day (this has been a reoccurring thought throughout all of quarantine and COVID-19) where I feel like I may not be doing the right thing for me. All throughout social media I see images of people, younger or older, living their lives without college. It always gets me wondering if I'm making the right decision in going to college. What if my job is meaningless in the next few years, what if I don't live the life, I always dreamed of one day, what if I'm doing all of this studying and paying just to end up as someone who wishes for a different life. I love working with children. I do it every day and I love it all so much, but what if I'm just making a big mistake? Oh well! I'm determined to finish strong and see where this life takes me.
