Moving On Isn't Always An "All Or Nothing" Experience

Moving On Isn't Always An 'All Or Nothing' Experience And We Need To Remember That

Inspired by my therapist's words of wisdom.

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When you think of moving on from something, the general idea that first comes to mind is that you're 100% over it and don't feel hurt, angry, upset, etc. over whatever happened.

Unfortunately, that just isn't how things go.

Moving on isn't all or nothing. Moving on is like a ball moving back and forth on a line between two extremes of "I'm as hurt as if XYZ just happened" and "I don't feel a thing about it anymore."

I've always thought of moving on in the "all or nothing" way. It's what was always implied when others spoke about it, because "moving on" is always assumed to mean you feel absolutely nothing anymore about the situation. Setting "100% over what happened" as the end goal is a tad extreme and may honestly not be accomplishable.

Moving on is an emotional and mental state.

Negative experiences mess with your emotions and your mental state. OF COURSE you're not going to be okay after something happens. OF COURSE, it takes time to move on from the experience.

Just like your emotions can get all over the place, moving on from a negative experience will find you all over the place. One day you'll feel fine and like everything's good, and the next you'll see something on social media that brings it all back. Ok, so it might be on the same day you're feeling good (re: it ALWAYS is, just to ruin a good day), but you get the point.

Moving on doesn't just mean "letting go." Moving on is also learning to accept and come to terms with what happened.

For example: I had a close friend in eighth grade who dumped me and left me in the dirt come high school. It took me many years to let go, and it was one of several negative experiences with former friends that messed with my trusting abilities.

Have I completely moved on? Mostly.

The event doesn't impact me emotionally like it used to. I can think about the experience and not feel the wave of emotional pain I used to feel. Just a few months ago, I saw this friend again and didn't feel the urge to rip her a new one like I once used to.

The point is, just because you've moved on from something doesn't mean you immediately can't feel anything about it anymore.

You are still allowed to be angry, upset, hurt, etc. Those feelings are VALID because you experienced something negative. If you didn't still feel some emotional tug when you're reminded of the negative experience in some way, I'd be a bit concerned.

Moving on doesn't mean not feeling anything anymore. It means you come to terms with/accept what happened as "this happened, it sucked, and there's nothing I can do about it now." It's not allowing those experiences to hold you back from doing things in the present and future.

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Everything You Will Miss If You Commit Suicide

The world needs you.
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You won't see the sunrise or have your favorite breakfast in the morning.

Instead, your family will mourn the sunrise because it means another day without you.

You will never stay up late talking to your friends or have a bonfire on a summer night.

You won't laugh until you cry again, or dance around and be silly.

You won't go on another adventure. You won't drive around under the moonlight and stars.

They'll miss you. They'll cry.

You won't fight with your siblings only to make up minutes later and laugh about it.

You won't get to interrogate your sister's fiancé when the time comes.

You won't be there to wipe away your mother's tears when she finds out that you're gone.

You won't be able to hug the ones that love you while they're waiting to wake up from the nightmare that had become their reality.

You won't be at your grandparents funeral, speaking about the good things they did in their life.

Instead, they will be at yours.

You won't find your purpose in life, the love of your life, get married or raise a family.

You won't celebrate another Christmas, Easter or birthday.

You won't turn another year older.

You will never see the places you've always dreamed of seeing.

You will not allow yourself the opportunity to get help.

This will be the last sunset you see.

You'll never see the sky change from a bright blue to purples, pinks, oranges, and yellows meshing together over the landscape again.

If the light has left your eyes and all you see is the darkness, know that it can get better. Let yourself get better.

This is what you will miss if you leave the world today.

This is who will care about you when you are gone.

You can change lives. But I hope it's not at the expense of yours.

We care. People care.

Don't let today be the end.

You don't have to live forever sad. You can be happy. It's not wrong to ask for help.

Thank you for staying. Thank you for fighting.

Suicide is a real problem that no one wants to talk about. I'm sure you're no different. But we need to talk about it. There is no difference between being suicidal and committing suicide. If someone tells you they want to kill themselves, do not think they won't do it. Do not just tell them, “Oh you'll be fine." Because when they aren't, you will wonder what you could have done to help. Sit with them however long you need to and tell them it will get better. Talk to them about their problems and tell them there is help. Be the help. Get them assistance. Remind them of all the things they will miss in life.

If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline — 1-800-273-8255

Cover Image Credit: Brittani Norman

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Anxiety Medications Aren't As Scary As You Might Think

It took me about 2 months to even find the right medication and dosage. It's truly a process.

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Before my journey with anxiety, I was very anti-medication. I truly didn't understand the purpose or need for it. Boy, have I learned a lot since then. Upon visiting the doctor, I learned that there are two types of medication that do two different things to the neurotransmitters in your brain. These are categorized as SSRI or SNRI. According to anxiety.org, "SSRIs increase serotonin in the brain. Neural systems affected by increased serotonin regulate mood, sleep, appetite, and digestion."

The medication that I am currently taking falls under the category of SSRI. As a result of taking this medication, "your brain is more capable of making changes that will lead to a decrease in anxiety" (anxiety.org). I don't know if that sounds nice to you, but I loved the sound of it.

On the other hand, per mayoclinic.org, SNRIs "ease depression by impacting chemical messengers (neurotransmitters) used to communicate between brain cells. Like most antidepressants, SNRIs work by ultimately effecting changes in brain chemistry and communication in brain nerve cell circuitry known to regulate mood, to help relieve depression."

From my understanding, the different types of medication focus on different neurotransmitters in your brain. I don't think that one of these is "bad" and one of these is "good." This is simply because anxiety and depression are very personal and impact people differently. My anxiety is not the same as my friend's anxiety. I think it's more of a spectrum.

There are a lot of misconceptions upon starting medication. I think the first is that it works instantly. I have some bad news and it's that some medications take up to a month to get into your system. I mean, you're chemically altering your brain, so it makes sense. It took me about 2 months to even find the right medication and dosage. It's truly a process.

Another misconception is that the pills are addicting- making them completely unnecessary or dangerous. That wasn't true for me. One of my dear friends told me that if you don't feel guilty for taking cold medicine when you have a cold, then you shouldn't feel guilty for taking medication that helps your anxiety. I think this really does boil down to knowing yourself and if there's a history of addiction in your family. However, as someone who's taken the heavy pain killers (via surgery) and now takes anxiety medication, I can testify to say that there's a difference.

The pain killers made me a zombie. The anxiety medication allows me to be the best version of myself. I like who I am when I'm not constantly worried about EVERYTHING. I used to not leave the house without makeup on because I constantly worried what people thought of me. I used to be terrified that my friends didn't want me around. I used to overthink every single decision that I made. Now, none of that is happening. I enjoy my friends and their company, I hardly wear makeup, and I'm getting better at making decisions.

Do I want to be able to thrive without having to correct my neurotransmitters? Sure. However, this is the way that I am, and I wouldn't have gotten better without both therapy and medication. I'm forever grateful for both.

Editor's note: The views expressed in this article are not intended to replace professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.

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