I generally like to believe you should love everyone the same. Meaning, when you're physically and mentally invested in someone, you should be loyal, giving, respectful, and honest in all situations. But if we're really breaking down different relationships and how to love someone, it's almost impossible to love a girl that was once cheated on the same as loving a girl who wasn't.

"Why do I have to suffer because of what another guy chose to do?"

With many guys I've dated/talked to after being cheated on, I've heard this with almost every one. Let's first start with--don't ask this. I'm not being insecure because I want to make your life hell. I'm not acting jealous because I want to give you a headache. And I'm certainly not trying to be paranoid for my own fun.

It's because last time I was confident about my ex being out without me, he showed me why I shouldn't have been.

It's because last time I wasn't jealous over random girls flirting with my ex, he showed me why I should have been.

It's because last time I wasn't paranoid or worried about where my relationship was headed, I was cheated on.

I get it, it's hard to love someone who has been cheated on. They require a lot more attention and time compared to someone who has never had that problem. The more you make the girl that you're dating--that has also been cheated on--feel like it's their fault for feeling paranoid and insecure all the time, the worse off they become in future relationships.

"Just trust me."

Such a simple phrase that holds so much meaning and truth to it. Yes, I wanted to trust all of the guys I dated. I wanted to believe that it would be different this time, and that for whatever reason this one loved me in a way the last one just didn't. The thing is, "just trust me", isn't as simple as hear it and do it. It's a constant battle of, "It'll be okay, he really is just going to be with his friends...he isn't going to hang out with another girl"...or "Just relax, that is actually his friend, he is allowed to have a friend that's a girl. It won't be like last time..or will it?" It's one big battle in your head that you never feel like you're going to win.

"I'm not him."

I know. I knew they weren't him, but no matter how many times I repeated that to myself, that didn't stop the questions that ate away at me at night. Telling me to text him one more time to see if he's still out..or ask why I haven't heard from him for awhile.

You see, being cheated on destroyed me. Mentally it ruined every relationship I had with not only guys, but friendships with girls as well. I suddenly became paranoid in almost every situation in my life. The feeling of not being good enough, smart enough, or pretty enough never left me.

Since I was cheated on, I went through 4 other relationships. That all ended because of how overly paranoid I was. Some of them I ended because I couldn't take the stress of things I was putting on myself to be "perfect enough" or them to be honest--when chances are they already were.

I made up scenarios in my head, many times I cried myself to sleep-even when there was no reason to, and I accused anyone interested in me of having false intentions..because if the first one couldn't love me, then no one could.

After taking time alone, therapy, medication, and maturing, I've learned that being cheated on definitely did cause a change of pace in my life. I had to learn to adjust to certain things that I most likely wouldn't have had to learn had I not been cheated on. But at the end of the day, I'm finally with someone who I never question or even feel the need to. It's because for the first time I know I'm finally worthy of love, and one asshole doing me wrong shouldn't ruin future relationships.

I couldn't have anyone tell me that..I needed to figure it out on my own.

So, when you're contemplating how to go about loving the girl that was once cheated on, know it will take time. It won't be easy. You'll feel like you're losing more times than you're winning. But one day, with your help, or someone else's, she'll finally get there and realize what she deserves. But in this long journey of her finding out, try not to do anything to add to the emotional mess she's already trying to clean, she's too busy sorting through everything to have another pile added to it.

-Just a little advice from the girl thats been there.

xoxo,

Finally where I need to be.