Learning To Love Yourself Before Another

Learning To Love Yourself Before Another

"The love that others give you is temporary, but self love is forever."

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Self love is tough. For myself especially, I sought and still find myself seeking approval from others rather than myself. It's difficult not to, especially with social media, and a world that seemingly revolves around the concept of acceptance. Likes, followers, filters, and editing help us to curate this version of our lives, images that we paint in the hopes that others love or accept us. But relying and putting stock of our self worth into another can be devastating when they stop loving you.

Self love from within is often overlooked in our lives. From personal experience I felt that if a friend or boy loved me, then I must be doing something right. I must be pretty enough, smart enough, and worthy of this love. Yet, when those friendships or relationships ended I'd feel broken and ask myself what I did wrong. When in reality, a majority of the time I had done nothing at all. Realizing how others treat you is a reflection of them and not you causes you to have a completely different perspective on your current and future relationships. Your mindset switches from asking yourself what you did, to how the other person contributed, and you look at breakups in a different manner.

I've realized the importance of self love immensely throughout the aftermath of a breakup I've been going through. I never realized how much of my self worth and self love was based off of his love for me. This temporary love that he gave me made me feel amazing, but when it was gone, I felt like I lost myself. His daily compliments, promises, and assurances made me love myself and feel worthy of being loved. But his words were fleeting as was his love for me, and I failed to love me before. But I'm now learning how to love myself after.

If I had gone into that relationship with the mindset of loving me before him, I wouldn't have spiraled when he left me. If I had truly loved myself it wouldn't of taken the pain of our break up away, but I would've been able to move on sooner feeling secure in myself. It's so important to understand that the love that others give you is temporary, but self love is forever.

Just like traditional love between others, self love has its ups and downs. Starting this journey of self love has been extremely difficult. Yet, I've finally confronted so many issues that I've buried deep down and hidden trying to find acceptance from others. Self love is a lifelong battle that we as humans all face, but it's so important to understand that only YOU can determine how others make you feel, and YOU can determine how you choose to love yourself for you.

Ultimately life is too precious and fragile to waste time not loving you for the amazing individual you are. No one can take away your self love unless you let them. Look in the mirror today, and know that you're worthy, you're loved, and you define and own your self love.

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To College Kids Bankrolled By Their Parents, You Can't Put 'Spoiled' On A Resume

Do you expect Mommy and Daddy to foot your AmEx Black Card bill forever?
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Growing up, I never had things handed to me unless it was a present for a holiday or my birthday. I did chores for my allowance, I got a job as soon as I turned 16 and I paid for my very first car.

I worked every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday at a pizza place for minimum wage while my friends went to football games and hung out. I worked two jobs my entire summer before freshman year of college so I could take freshman year to just get acclimated to school.

By spring semester of freshman year, I was applying for jobs and planning to work full time all summer along with taking some online classes.

Currently, I am in school full time and work 30+ hours a week, on top of writing for two publications.

But let me tell you, there is nothing that makes me more upset than kids whose parents hand them everything.

I know kids whose parents hand them money for concert tickets, brand name clothing, $1,000 monthly rent and the works. And honestly? It infuriates me.

The worst part about it? Half these kids complain about how difficult their lives are and how stressed they are. Try working an 8-hour shift from 3 p.m. to 11 p.m. then having to get up at 5:30 a.m. the next morning to get ready for class, or going straight from class to work and trying to find time to get schoolwork done.

"Do your parents not care about you?"

I get that question all the time. They could pay for things for me, but they chose to teach me how to live like an adult and I truly appreciate it, even though it gets hard sometimes. They are always there to help me if I need it, but they do not spoil me.

I think everyone should have a job in college and have to pay for some things on their own. No, I'm not just talking about having a job for "pocket money."

Your parents pay for you to get a $70 manicure every 2 weeks and drop money in your account to spend at bars on the weekends? Good for you.

My parents pick up my phone bill and car insurance, but the rest is my responsibility. Rent, food, gas, clothes, school supplies, electricity, and anything else I want comes right out of my pocket.

I get that some parents just want their kids to focus on school, but honestly, without a job, I had way too much time freshman year. Why not use that time to work?

I know some people who have never worked a day in their life and it makes me wonder exactly what they expect out of the real world. Mommy and Daddy won't always be there to pay your Visa bill, honey.

You can't put "spoiled" on a job resume under previous experience.

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Being A Lesbian Sucks

To women who say they wish they were a lesbian; you don't.

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My girlfriend is not a man, obviously so because she is my girlfriend, emphasis on girl. Society has been conditioned with men holding the power. In a world dominated by men being a lesbian has more problems than just homophobia.

There is an automatic assumption that because we are not with a man we are single. Without the dominating presence of a man other men feel safe to come on to women in lesbian relationships, whether they know we are together or not. We aren't always in a safe situation to say we are together so if he doesn't pick up on the social cues it only gives us two options: politely laugh and attempt to remove ourselves from the situation or say we aren't interested. Both options are equal in undesirability and saying we are uninterested can lead to them just pushing harder. The boyfriend card usually works, but lying about our relationship makes us feel terrible.

The fetishizing of lesbian couples and threesomes are a problem because of media and porn. They hyper-sexualize lesbian relationships until they are nothing but sex. From this the winning question, "Do you want to have a threesome?" With the assumption both or one woman in the relationship is a lesbian and not bisexual, pansexual, or etc. A threesome with a man is completely out of the question. The thing about lesbians is that we like women not men, a threesome with a man goes against our identity as a lesbian and makes no sense. And even if both women are bisexual a normal man wouldn't walk up to a straight couple and pop the question of a threesome. So don't do it to us.

We also find ourselves being disrespected as a customer in a professional setting. Men in job positions belittle women who are at the mechanic, the lawyer, the doctors offices, and the bank, for just a few examples. They assume we don't know anything and are ignorant, so they treat us with no respect. They attempt to manipulate us for this and that to achieve their own personal gain. Without a man lesbian couples are even more subject to this because we don't get any respect. A man will be immediately respected and in a healthy relationship he can establish a power balance with his woman partner to the person in charge. Lesbians, (and other single women) don't have these short cuts. We have to establish ourselves then and there for having worth and show we deserve to be treated like full grown adults. Hopefully we also have the knowledge to not suffer from manipulation.

The difference in skill sets is something that can be a problem for everyone in this sexist society. We associate pink with girls and boys with blue. Girls with cooking and guys with tools. Most of us were taught different things and learned different skill sets. Most women I know, including me, don't know how to change a tire. How many young men go off to college having never done laundry in their life? With lesbians we usually don't know an important skill that was specifically taught to men. We might not know cars, or tools, or how to tile a floor. We are set back in our development as fully functional people in a unit. We lack key skill sets that were predetermined for men, unlike straight couples where there is usually a balance of skill sets.

The problems that arise from lesbian relationships are problems associated with a male dominating society and the gender division we face along with it. To abolish these we have to achieve equality and work on teaching the generations to follow that women are just as good as men. It's tough being a woman and a lesbian even harder.

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