To The Girl With A Broken Heart, It's Time To Face Your Feelings Before They Break You Again

To The Girl With A Broken Heart, It's Time To Face Your Feelings Before They Break You Again

Because blasting that Beyonce song may make you feel better in the moment, but it won't heal your heart forever.


I am going to go out on a ledge here. Yes, a ledge, because there is a global pandemic going on and I am not writing this with any intention, whatsoever, of having this be about the global pandemic. Rookie move, probably, considering this'll be the first thing I post on this site. Or, it's simply the fault of timing. My life's timing.

See, in two days it will have been a month since I last talked to him.

Since the miserable night when he ended us, via a long and vague message about how he loved me but didn't love me enough. It was so vague I wasn't even really sure we had broken up until a week later when I realized I couldn't keep holding out hope for something that would never come.

Even that didn't really quell the little hopes I would feel. Coming up on a week, I imagined that would be some sort of deadline for him, then two weeks, then three, and now? Now we're coming closer to one month, and even though I know it's over, and I know he's probably even stopped missing me by now, I still feel that same hope that he'll reach out. That he'll tell me he misses me, that he still loves me, will always love me. I don't even know if I feel all of those things for him anymore, but I do know I'm still mourning the loss of the one person who made me feel whole.

I caught myself wishing there was some way for me to get him back today.

Though, what scared me was that when I imagined "him" in my mind, it wasn't the guy who dumped me. It was the guy I met, the one I fell in love with, the one I had for two years before he left for college and changed. I realized he was right when he told me his priorities changed; but, he was wrong in thinking that was the only thing that did.

Everything about him kind of changed. His morals, his values, his plans, his wants, his needs, his dreams, everything. Even his appearance changed. I found ways to love the new him, but as he changed he seemed to forget why he ever loved me. I feel that now. I can admit that now. The things he did to hurt me, the mistakes he made, they weren't done deliberately, I believe that but they were done and he didn't even regret them until I forced him to see it all through the lens of "my boyfriend" rather than just "a freshman boy in college."

He wasn't trying to be faithful or to be with me, he was trying to be himself and he was right, the "himself" he was was different. He didn't want to be in a relationship, at least not a long-distance one with a girl who was ready to be more serious than he was.

While me writing this was motivated by this idea of "spreading the word that these things hurt so other people don't feel so alone," I think, if I'm honest, I have to admit that I am hurting today, more than my new usual, and I needed to jot the feelings down so I can try to understand them and hopefully let them go.

Also, because I feel pretty alone, and that's not a very good thing to be feeling, not right now. So, the intro was selfish, the intro was about me and him, an "us" that is no more, an "us" I miss dearly. But, from this point forward I have to step into another role, a detached role because frankly, I need a dose of reality to feel alive... like I still exist even without him, and maybe that's what some of you need too.

Breakups were meant to hurt, that seems obvious but was also something I seriously forgot early on.

I didn't want to hurt. I didn't want to be the girl who shattered and was set back by this abrupt change in her life. But, I also didn't expect that I'd go from being in total control of the fate of my relationship that he had tampered with, that he had destroyed, to being dumped by the person who, at that point, I couldn't even say "I love you" to because I felt too hurt.

I broke down on first instinct, and then I begged everyone around me to make sure I was never alone, to keep me as occupied as possible even in the midst of a global pandemic just so I wouldn't have to worry about being left to my thoughts and in turn, spiraling.

I didn't let myself grieve, not for the first two or three weeks.

The result of not grieving was gruesome. I held out hope and I found myself stuck on this peculiar Ferris wheel-like journey of feeling excited to be free and happy that he ended something that was toxic one moment to feeling worthless, lonely, and miserable the next. Today was a low day. Today, though, it occurred to me that it shouldn't be a Ferris wheel at all. The problem wasn't ever that I was going from high to low, I realized the problem was that I wasn't letting myself be low when I felt low. I did everything I could to get away from it, to hide from it, to shield myself from the hurt.

In the time after we broke up, I dove into faith. That helped me a lot, immeasurably, but it also served as a distraction too.

It kept me from mourning what I lost, until today. Today I got off the Ferris wheel, if only temporarily, and looked at it from across the amusement park. A giant wheel of good views and happiness but also deep lows and annoying pauses and kids who rock their bench and get yelled at by carnies.

I looked at it from a distance and realized what I'd done to myself, I prolonged a pain I should've felt a long time ago. I avoided it and avoided it and avoided it, but see, dear friend, you can't avoid it. You can't surround yourself with people and instruct them to keep you distracted. Or, rather, you can. You can for a while until you feel equipped enough to face it or even just more equipped to face it, but then you absolutely have to set the distractions aside and let your heart shatter.

Let it shatter. Let your heart break. Let your stomach drop, let your body ache, and let your mind feel flustered and full of draining memories that once made you smile.

Let yourself grip onto that old T-shirt tightly, let yourself panic as your tears drip onto it because you fear the tears will make it lose its already fading scent. Let yourself mourn.

People don't get past pain by forgetting about it. You don't break a leg and leave it alone until it feels better, you take some meds and distract yourself but then you go to the doctor, you feel the pain of surgery or of the doc resetting the bones, you get it bandaged, wear a cast for as long as needed, and when you come back, you ease into it.

You get help from friends getting from point A to point B and then someday, someday you walk again.

Someday you walk and then later you'll walk faster, and eventually, you may even run. Eventually, not now, not even soon. Expecting to heal immediately, expecting not to hurt, is a massive misstep that stems from some weird dignity or self-worth issue that, in attempting to make you feel better, only makes you feel worse.

So feel it, learn it, get to know your pain so deeply until you're able to talk about it, then talk, spill, open up, and let it out.

Let it out and then, let it go. On that day, and only on that day, will you be able to see the blessings in the pain and the lessons in the hurt. You'll realize what you learned from the challenges you faced, and how capable you are of applying them toward your future. And then, that's when you'll run. You'll go out with your head held high and you'll find somebody new, somebody better, someone who you won't expect to complete you, but rather compliment you. Someone who will be your partner forever, making you laugh and smile and feel such great joy that you'll look back and wonder why you ever felt so hopeless before. You'll look back and wish you could show yourself now how much better you would feel in the future.

The moral? Don't push feelings down, pushing them down just gives them a greater foundation to destroy you, even if it gives you the opportunity to strengthen yourself in the meantime.

Face the feelings, feel the feelings, and eventually, let go of the feelings.

Follow Swoon on Instagram.

Report this Content
Health and Wellness

This Survey Shows How Quarantine And Drinking Relate, And I Can't Say I'm Surprised

"5 o'clock somewhere" is more of a guideline now than ever.

As it stands, and my friends and I are finally 21. We're extremely excited to be able to go out to bars and "get lit" as the kids say, but due to the pandemic, all of our plans have been put on hold. We'd rather wait and go when it's safe than risk spreading the infection and hurting our loved ones. So, we've all been quarantining apart, getting on the occasional wine zoom call. This made me wonder if anyone else our age were doing the same thing.

Then, I discovered this survey: We Surveyed Millennials And Gen Z About Their Quarantine Drinking Habits — Cheers. Here are 3 things that I discovered through the survey results.

Keep Reading... Show less

5 Easy Summer Mocktail Recipes You Can Make With Items You Probably Already Have On-Hand

Keep these drinks in mind next time you're visiting your local farmer's market — you might want to grab some extra mint and limes.

With Summer 2020 in full swing comes the addition of many fresh fruits and vegetables to brighten up your dinner plate, but also your glass! Farmers markets are my personal favorite place to look for produce that is in season to make fun mocktails with.

Keep Reading... Show less

5 Ways To Celebrate The 4th of July — Without Fireworks Or Social Gatherings

We created a list of things to do since social distancing may create a dent in our typical, planned traditions.

With the Fourth of July on Saturday, the usual tradition of popping fireworks, grilling out, and being surrounded by family has been modified due to the pandemic. Whether you're a loner or surrounded by family, there will most likely be some changes to your celebrations.

For weeks on social media, people across the country have been complaining that they have been subjected to fireworks going off at all times of the night into the early morning. This has sparked concern and questions about why this is happening and how are people even obtaining the fireworks.

Keep Reading... Show less

Carb And Cheese Lovers, Unite — These Are The Best Mac And Cheese Recipes On The Internet

Whether you need to get through the current pandemic or want to spice up your Fourth of July celebrations, these mac and cheese recipes will do just that.

My favorite food is mac and cheese, and it always has been. All it requires is noodles and cheese — it's so simple to make. Although it's my favorite, it can also get kind of mundane because it's such a simple recipe. This, of course, has led to many people all over the world experimenting with the American staple.

With our lives currently being turned upside down due to the pandemic, a lot of people are seeking comfort. These are scary times, and in order to make it day-to-day, we need to have our favorite foods as a standby. These recipes can also be used during your celebration of the Fourth of July.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

17 Things To Make You Feel GOOD This Week

Because some purchases are just necessary.

Y'all, we're struggling. You don't even have to tell me, I know. What a mess we're all in, right? This year is not going how we planned and the world has turned into one giant struggle bus. I guess you could be super philosophical about everything happening for a reason, but sometimes life is just hard.

There are plenty of ways to bring yourself out of whatever rut you're in. You could go for a run, have a snack, or read a book. Or, if you're really looking for an adrenaline rush, go shopping. This is obviously not going to solve the world's problems with one swift click of the "checkout" button, but hey, it may just give you the little boost you need today.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

I Wore A Butt Mask Every Day For A Month, And It's Officially Essential In My Daily Self-Love Routine Now

Thirty days later, my booty's as smooth as a baby's.

- Blissfully unaware that butt-care beyond squats was even something I should be considering in my self-care routine, I tried one of Bawdy Beauty's butt masks for the first time a month ago.

- I've never really given my butt a second though till I took a look at improvements that could be made with the mask — if one of the hydrating, firming, detoxifying, or brightening masks in the kit I received could either smooth out cellulite or tone my skin a bit more, I wasn't going to complain.

- Each Bawdy Beauty sheet mask comes in an individually-packaged sheet, soaked with a serum I massaged into my skin after removing said sheet. The clay butt mask comes in a convenient stick format I simply draw on to my skin and leave to set for about 10 minutes before hopping into the shower.

- I set a goal of committing myself to butt-care every day for one month. Between the regular use of sheet masks, clay masks, and their CBD Butt Balm in between, I didn't have many expectations.

- I thought the whole concept may just be a gimmick, but my butt has never looked so toned in my life, and the cellulite I had is almost completely gone. I wear one every single day when I get the chance.

I'm incredibly skeptical when it comes to marketing ploys and gimmicks in the beauty world. I'll be the first cynic to try out the latest serum on the market every influencer is raving about just to negate every grandiose claim it makes.

Keep Reading... Show less

Friends, you don't have to be quarantined to use a personal massager, you know? Because, sure, quarantine made for a lot of extra quality time with yourself, but no matter what phase of the reopening process you're in, it's normal and actually healthy to take care of your sexual needs on your own.

Keep Reading... Show less

5 Books I Didn't Realize Are About Gay Women

If you read primarily LGBTQ fiction, then this list might help to expand your TBR list.

Photo by Ketut Subiyanto from Pexels

Frequent readers of LGBTQ fiction might feel like they're reading the same book over and over again, with few exceptions.

Most of these books were on my TBR list for months and I didn't realize they were about gay women until I was reading them, hopefully, this list of books can interest you in expanding your reading material and seeking out different stories.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments