How To Have Better Conversations

Think back to the most meaningful experiences you've had. Most of them are good conversations with even better people. A good conversation can be a hug and a few words of care during a time of sadness. It can be a respectful debate that leaves you walking away with a new perspective. Often times, it is a conversation where you laughed so much your lungs got tired. Why are good conversations not the norm? It's not the fault of boring people you surround yourself with. It's you. Accept responsibility, and you'll gain the ability to make interesting conversations a norm of your life, not an exception.

Initiating good conversation depends on luck. Certain people are better to talk to and some places are better places to talk in. Besides external conditions, having good conversations is a skill that needs to be constantly improved. We were born with powerful means of communication, and for the most part we are excellent at parsing through words and expressions to understand what they mean. But there is still much lacking in our abilities to describe the storm of thoughts in our minds at any given moment. To have good conversations, we mold the disorganization in our heads and use it to connect with another person. It's a fascinating process. It is definitely not an easy one.

A good conversations starts with a basic belief. Everyone around you knows something you don't. Everyone has a special something about them that they carry around with them wherever they go. These special somethings will only be accessible to you if you understand that they exist.

Always keep in mind, that no matter how well you think you are expressing yourself, if the person you are communicating with doesn't understand, you are not doing a good enough job.

Keep all your attention on the person talking to you. Don't glance at your phone, but also don't think about something else when you're listening. Conversation partners are very good at telling when you have zoned out, and they may hesitate to share their thoughts with you if you have this tendency.

Ask questions. Try to keep the focus of the conversation on anyone but yourself. Talking about yourself is fun, but it makes for boring conversations. Instead, ask meaningful questions and if your conversation partner is a good one, they will ask you the same questions out of curiosity.

Try to learn something new after every conversation. This new tidbit of knowledge can be anything from your conversation partner's favorite food or their biggest dream. Learning in a conversation makes it worthwhile. Bonus points if you can remember what you learned and bring it back when you talk to them again.

At the heart of a good conversation is respect, empathy and genuine curiosity. Add them into your daily routine, and you'll be surprised at how much you can learn from the humans around you.