“Things change. And friends leave. Life doesn’t stop for anybody.”
My favorite book is The Perks of Being a Wallflower. I read it for the first time my sophomore year of high school, and I’ve read it once a year since. The story of Charlie is the most relatable coming of age story that I’ve read. There are tragedies in his life. He wants nothing more than to fit in and make friends. He has to make major decisions. He makes mistakes. Even if you haven’t suffered the same way as Charlie, there is some way that you can relate to Charlie or one of his friends.
I read the book after the end of my junior year of college. Although the story is about Charlie’s journey through high school, the words still hold true through my journey through college—and even in life. While I was rereading, this quote resonated with me: “Things change. And friends leave. Life doesn’t stop for anybody.”
When I moved away for college, I tried not to look back. It helped that my parents moved away from the town I went to high school. I visit maybe twice a year, but other than that, I feel no need to ever visit the city. And recently, I’ve been getting some raised eyebrows from that. Why wouldn’t I want to go home? Why wouldn’t I want to see everyone and catch up on all that I’ve missed?
I moved away. I changed my dream. I chased my dream. I fell in love. Even though there are things in my past that I deal with every day, right now, I am in a very good place in life and I wouldn’t trade that for anything.
I wouldn’t change who I’ve become.
Some of you might notice that, especially if you went away for college, that every time you come back home to visit, everything seems different. Your friends are different. Your neighborhood is different. Nothing is the same, and you’re not quite sure why. But what inevitably happens is the vacuum that is your home town; you suddenly get sucked into the old drama. The old fights. You become involved in things that honestly don’t matter anymore. Things change. And friends leave. Life doesn’t stop for anybody, and that’s a reason why I don’t trouble myself with visiting more than I do.
Things change.
Things change, and people change. When people graduate high school, they change. It doesn’t matter if they go to the college in their hometown, move states away, or start working right out of school. We all go in different directions, and sometimes it stretches us in ways we never expected to stretch. It tests friendships in a way we never expected it to be tested. It’s uncomfortable, and for some reason, we’re not okay with being uncomfortable. The most important thing is to not hold someone back from becoming the person they’re meant to be, just because it’s not how you always knew them—it’s not a version of them that you’re comfortable with. But remember; you’re changing too. Grow and change with them. It’s okay if you don’t see eye to eye with everything anymore. That’s part of adulthood.
Friends leave.
I couldn’t understand for the longest time why people leave, but now I do. Sometimes people can’t stay in their hometown. They can’t stay stagnant. They’re growing, and maybe, unfortunately, they can’t even stay with you anymore. It really hurts, especially if you used to be close. Whenever I go back home, I see the friends that I still consider my best friends, and I see the people that I no longer call my friends. It gets easier to move on from the friends that leave. You have to move on. You have to keep growing. You can still care about your old friends, but don’t, for the love of God, stay stuck in high school. Because then your friends will leave you, and that’s not a good feeling either.
Life doesn’t stop for anybody.
It doesn’t matter where you go, who you stay friends with, who you cut off, or what you choose to do with your life. Life keeps going. When you visit home, it’s comfortable. It’s familiar. Even I am guilty of thinking that I could spend a few more days with my friends instead of going back to work Monday morning. Don’t stop your life, because life isn’t stopping for anyone else. You’re going to see people change. You’re going to see friends leave. And you’re going to have to learn to be okay with it.
In the words of Charlie’s friend, Sam, “It’s a whole other world out there. And it gets better.” College or work is a whole different world. Moving away is a major change. Let yourself change. Let others change. Be understanding of when people decide to go a different direction than what you planned in high school. We’re not who we were in high school anymore, and the sooner we realize that, the sooner we’ll reach our full potential.
I’m learning to save old pictures on a hard drive but delete them off my phone. I’m getting in the habit of not Facebook stalking people from high school anymore. I’m understanding that we have all changed, and that’s okay. The people who are meant to be in my life will make an effort to stay there, and I will make an effort back.
Things change. And friends leave. Life doesn’t stop for anybody.
Don’t be stagnant. Be okay with the change. Be okay with your friends. Be okay with yourself.
