It will sting. You will feel pain in places you haven’t before,

In ways you haven’t before.

It will make you wonder, “Will I ever feel okay again?”

Flashbacks come in their many different shapes and sizes;

A smell, a sound, of course a sight.

You remember how they used to smell like a certain shampoo.

How the hospital room smelled, like warm blood.

Different from normal blood.

When you screamed the words to a song that was all too

Familiar to you.

The double take when someone looks just like them might

Sting the most.

A lot of things feel like they sting the most.

A competition for what daily activity can cause the most pain.

There are times when you’ll feel angry.

Hell, you’ll feel angry most of the time,

Because why would this happen.

Blame everything and everyone, yourself included.

It won’t make you feel better.

At some point the crying yourself to sleep will stop,

Or at least slow down.

Either that or you get so used to it you won’t realize it’s happening.

Grief doesn’t come in a one size fits all.

Try to track where you are on the 5 stages of grief,

Make yourself utterly lost in frustration.

You are so far from one end and close, but not close enough,

To another.

The thing about death, you’ll realize, is you keep finding yourself at

An in between.

“It gets better,” They always say.

But the waiting is the true struggle, you need the better.

Fear creeps up realizing that it could just be

A better version of a bad feeling.

Still bad, still painful, still angry, still stuck and confused.

But not as much as before.

There are thoughts that circle your head that terrify you.

The day that you forget their voice,

The day that you forget their face,

The day that you forget.

So you don’t, you become emerged in them, or what used to be them.

You live for them, because you can’t find much other reason to

Right now.