Brace yourself. It’s a holiday dedicated to food and sitting around a table with your family members poking and prodding you to explain exactly how you plan on becoming an adult by the end of the meal. Here are a few tips on how to get through the biggest dinner of the year that starts at 2:30pm, straight from our favorite cast of characters from Pawnee.
1. Don’t Bring Up Politics.
Your heart is broken in the midst of this election, and you can be sure that some of your family will be triumphantly wearing their MAGA hats at the table. Breathe. Let it go. Do not engage in logic. Do not expect to change their minds. Try to focus on anything but politics at the table, and if it is brought up, bite your turkey and your tongue, and nod.
2. Spend As Much Time As You Can With The Pets.
Cuddle with the cat. Pet the dog. They won’t judge you for procrastinating your way through the semester, and won’t glare at you when you talk about your plans to obtain a liberal arts degree. They’re warm and cuddly and wouldn’t harm you for the world.
3. Help Out If You Can.
If you have any cooking skill, channel all that aggression and awkwardness into making a delicious side dish for the table. Your family will appreciate it, and you’ll have something to brag about to divert their attention when they ask how your midterms have been going.
4. Stay Out Of The Kitchen If You Can’t Cook.
Don’t be that guy that sets off the fire alarm, or worse, actually starts a fire. Your family will never let it go, and it’ll be talked about for the next thirty Thanksgiving dinners to come. If you want to help out, wash something, or better yet, buy a pie and drop it on the table. Congrats, you contributed!
5. Highlight Your Achievements.
Your family will want to know what you’ve been up to in college. You must have done something productive- like get a good grade on an exam or get involved with a club you’re passionate about. Find that one thing and stick to it the whole evening. Own it. Don’t let them bring you down, because you rock that one thing that you do.
6. Stay Positive.
It’s definitely difficult to be in a room with all of your extended family for a prolonged period of time. Stay strong. Be positive. Don’t waver. They can smell fear. If you have a good attitude, or at least pretend to have one, the dinner will go much more smoothly and then you can retreat into your old room and FaceTime your best friend for the rest of the night.
7. Be Thankful.
Typically, your family will acknowledge the holiday that brings you all together. You might all go around the table and share something that you’re thankful for the past year. Even if you normally don’t say anything or just have a generic answer, put some thought into it this year. You’ll surprise everyone, and it’ll mean a lot to your family; despite everything, they still love you and are really excited to see you.
8. Treat Yo Self.
You’re probably eating cafeteria food all day long, which is overpriced and gross. Maybe you’ve just been eating ramen all day long, which has zero nutritional value. Either way, don’t fill up on vegetables at the table. You’ve earned that turkey. Go for the mashed potatoes. Carbo-load. You deserve it. Treat yo self 2016.
