It Took Me 20 Years To Realize That Everyone Deserves True Love, Including Myself

It Took Me 20 Years To Realize That Everyone Deserves True Love, Including Myself

Despite your past mistakes, everyone deserves to feel requited love.
“A love story is not about those who lose their heart but about those who find that sullen inhabitant who, when it is stumbled upon, means the body can fool no one, can fool nothing- not the wisdom of sleep or the habit of social graces. It is a consuming of oneself and the past” – "The English Patient"

My love life can only be described as a one giant PMS cycle: there are a lot of emotions, a lot of depressed thoughts, and a constant pain all over my body (minus the blood). Despite my numerous sexual partners, I have only had the pleasure of dating two individuals.

My first relationship was the poster child for every high school relationship: full of regrets, bad choices, rushed feelings, and failed commitment. We were basically kids playing house, trying to make grown decisions and life choices when we weren’t old enough to drive without parental supervision. As do most relationships, it ended with hard feelings and resentment coupled with a lack of closure.

My second relationship spun the tale of star-crossed lesbians, starring a girl who I thought I could fix and myself, the girl who thought she was special. Our toxic love story couldn’t change the fact that addiction was the more passionate lover, and that I couldn’t give what she truly wanted: relief.

I carried these relationships like weights stapled into my stomach, hiding them under layers of clothing, dry heaving at the thought of them sloshing around, repressing that they were put there in the first place. I have always been a fuck boi, preferring the company of a different suitor as opposed to a familiar face. I started using this mentality to build a barrier between myself and other people. Feelings were like herpes, you don’t realize you have them until they suddenly pop up, and you try to forget that they are there, lying dormant under the skin.

My past made me jaded. It made me resent affection that deviated from an unfamiliar sexual encounter with strangers. The touch of another, that was not an aggressive grab, made me uncomfortable.

My past made me feel ashamed. Why should I deserve a loving relationship, when all I have done is fuck people over? Fuckbois aren’t meant to find relationships. Sluts aren’t meant to be more than a receptacle for a man. Assholes don’t deserve true love.

However, none of this is true.

NO matter what you have been told in life, everyone deserves true love.

A love that consumes you, that eats away at your past and flourishes your future. A love that is flawed, yet beautiful and pure.

A love that makes you want to read sappy poetry and sneak surprise love letters and sit on your back porch, look up at the stars in your pajamas and smile like an idiot.

A love that makes us feel like giddy school girls playing footsie under the table at lunch.

A unrequited love.

It took me 20 years to realize that my body count, my drug use, my Tuesday nights spent drinking, my toxic relationships, and my cynical thoughts have no bearing on the love I deserve. We all deserve to be happy. We all deserve to find love, myself included.

Now go out. Find yourself, and find your consuming.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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I'd Give Up The Idea Of Perfection Any Day To Be With My Imperfect Boyfriend

You are exactly who I need in my life, and I can only hope that I am half of that for you.

To My Imperfect Boyfriend,

You’re far from perfect. Sometimes, you do things that drive me absolutely insane and frustrate me to no end. You make mistakes—a lot of them.

Growing up, we all had this idea in our heads of who we wanted to be with. Our own idea of a “perfect” person: the perfect person we would wake up next to, with the perfect sunrise hitting our perfect faces, cook a perfect gourmet breakfast within our perfect home on a perfect beach.

The more time I spend with you, the more I realize a few things: how completely unrealistic it is to be with a perfect person, and that I would give up the idea of “perfection” any day to be with you.

You’re my best friend, always by my side supporting me through all my crazy ideas, and doing everything you can to make sure I know how much you love me. You’re there for me when I need you, and you know exactly what kind of stupid things to say to make me smile, even if I’m in an impossibly bad mood—even if you caused it.

When it comes to me, you are completely selfless, treating me like I’m the only thing in your life that matters. Your devotion to me is more than admirable. You’re my security and my sanity— even though you’re not always sane yourself, we keep each other sane. Perhaps one of my favorite things about you is your determination to make me happier than I’ve ever been. Even when you don’t know how to be the best for me, you keep trying until you do. I’ve never met someone who has tried harder for anything else.

You’ve taught me how to see imperfection as the most beautiful thing there is.

I don’t want you to be perfect. I want you to have all your quirks, all your tendencies, all your attributes: all the things that make you perfectly imperfect. The issue with perfection is that there is no room for growth, and this whole relationship is about learning from each other and growing together.

You know what the best part is?

I’m not perfect either.

I don’t expect you to see me as perfect. Sometimes, I do things that drive you absolutely insane—and frustrate you to no end. I make mistakes—a lot of them.

But you love me for who I am, and you are more than willing to share this journey of life with me, despite potential bumps along the way. I see you as a person I can grow with, have adventures with, and face life’s many challenges with forever.

It’s funny; I guess all your imperfections make you perfect to me. You are exactly who I need in my life, and I can only hope that I am half of that for you.

Love always,

Your Imperfect Girlfriend

Cover Image Credit: Kelsey Radigan

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12 Unexpected Perks Of Being Best Friends With A Guy Before You Date

Dating becomes a whole lot simpler.

Dating can be really rough sometimes. It's not always easy to find your person in the world...unless your person was already right in front of your face the whole time. There's nothing I love about my relationship more than the fact that my boyfriend was genuinely my best friend before he was anything else. Here are just some of the perks of being best friends before you date.

1. You already know each other's quirks and habits

Like the fact that he snores, is awful at responding while playing video games, gets distracted easily and is all-around a slightly awkward human.

2. As well as their likes and dislikes.

Ordering food for him from just about anywhere is a breeze.

3. And you already know what they're like in relationships.

You've watched one another date enough to know exactly what they're like when they're dating someone. You also know what drives them crazy in relationships, which helps avoid fights.

4. Meeting the family is a walk in the park.

Chances are either you've already met them or you've heard enough about them to make things much smoother.

5. You have common interests and likes.

You'll likely never hear us argue over where to eat or what music to listen to, I can promise you that.

6. You don't get tired of seeing them.

Sure, they might still get on your nerves, but that doesn't change the fact you love spending time together.

7. Comfortable silences.

We can sit on the couch playing on our phones or doing our own thing and still be content.

8. Things are never awkward between you.

You don't care if I pick up tampons while we're out, do you?

9. No conversations are off limits.

Not even bowel movements.

10. You have fun together easily.

They can make the most boring things more interesting. Your sides have actually hurt from laughing so much with them.

11. No ones shocked when you get together.

When I told my other friends who I was dating literally no one was surprised at all.

12. Things are natural between you.

Being with my boyfriend is easier than it's ever been with anyone else before. We've genuinely cared about each other for so long and have been so close for years that dating just works. Nothing has changed between us; we're still best friends, just best friends that happen to be together.

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