It Took Me 20 Years To Realize That Everyone Deserves True Love, Including Myself

It Took Me 20 Years To Realize That Everyone Deserves True Love, Including Myself

Despite your past mistakes, everyone deserves to feel requited love.
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“A love story is not about those who lose their heart but about those who find that sullen inhabitant who, when it is stumbled upon, means the body can fool no one, can fool nothing- not the wisdom of sleep or the habit of social graces. It is a consuming of oneself and the past” – "The English Patient"

My love life can only be described as a one giant PMS cycle: there are a lot of emotions, a lot of depressed thoughts, and a constant pain all over my body (minus the blood). Despite my numerous sexual partners, I have only had the pleasure of dating two individuals.

My first relationship was the poster child for every high school relationship: full of regrets, bad choices, rushed feelings, and failed commitment. We were basically kids playing house, trying to make grown decisions and life choices when we weren’t old enough to drive without parental supervision. As do most relationships, it ended with hard feelings and resentment coupled with a lack of closure.

My second relationship spun the tale of star-crossed lesbians, starring a girl who I thought I could fix and myself, the girl who thought she was special. Our toxic love story couldn’t change the fact that addiction was the more passionate lover, and that I couldn’t give what she truly wanted: relief.

I carried these relationships like weights stapled into my stomach, hiding them under layers of clothing, dry heaving at the thought of them sloshing around, repressing that they were put there in the first place. I have always been a fuck boi, preferring the company of a different suitor as opposed to a familiar face. I started using this mentality to build a barrier between myself and other people. Feelings were like herpes, you don’t realize you have them until they suddenly pop up, and you try to forget that they are there, lying dormant under the skin.

My past made me jaded. It made me resent affection that deviated from an unfamiliar sexual encounter with strangers. The touch of another, that was not an aggressive grab, made me uncomfortable.

My past made me feel ashamed. Why should I deserve a loving relationship, when all I have done is fuck people over? Fuckbois aren’t meant to find relationships. Sluts aren’t meant to be more than a receptacle for a man. Assholes don’t deserve true love.

However, none of this is true.

NO matter what you have been told in life, everyone deserves true love.

A love that consumes you, that eats away at your past and flourishes your future. A love that is flawed, yet beautiful and pure.

A love that makes you want to read sappy poetry and sneak surprise love letters and sit on your back porch, look up at the stars in your pajamas and smile like an idiot.

A love that makes us feel like giddy school girls playing footsie under the table at lunch.

A unrequited love.

It took me 20 years to realize that my body count, my drug use, my Tuesday nights spent drinking, my toxic relationships, and my cynical thoughts have no bearing on the love I deserve. We all deserve to be happy. We all deserve to find love, myself included.

Now go out. Find yourself, and find your consuming.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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Want To Be A Better Boyfriend? Try These 5 Tricks

4. Listen to her.

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Some days, it seems like girlfriends are constantly asking for more, and while they may be annoying, there are a few simple ways to stop her nagging and win her praise.

1. Pay attention to her.

I promise you, she is dropping hints every day. These may sound like "Awh, look at all the pretty flowers" or "I haven't been to Boba House in so long!"

2. Plan dates. 

Text her while she is at school or work, and tell her to be ready when you get home or by a certain time. Give her an idea of how dressed up she should be, but don't tell her where you're going. Then, take her to her favorite restaurant, one she's mentioned lately, or to a new movie she'd been looking forward to!

3. Pick up small gifts for her.

This doesn't have to be anything expensive, but next time you're at the grocery store pick up her favorite candy, or a small flower bouquet. Just something little that will show her you were thinking of her when you weren't together.

4. Listen to her. 

Ask about her day, and when she tells you what Sarah did at work, ask her the next day or a few days later if things got better. Take interest in her life and remind her occasionally refer back to old topics to prove you do listen.

5. Get her involved in your interests.

It doesn't all have to be about her! Ask her to watch the game with you, or to go out with you to hang with your friends. She wants to be just as involved in your life as she wants you to be involved in hers!

At the end of the day, every relationship is different. Take this advice as vaguely as needed, and learn your partner and what they expect from you! Happy dating! :)

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Ladies, If A Guy Doesn't Like You For You, Drop Him

"Don't be afraid of losing people, be afraid of losing yourself trying not to lose someone."

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If a guy wants you to change who you are for him, he simply isn't the one for you.

I am sick and tired of guys believing that they can tell women how to dress, act, and fix their hair. If you told me that my t-shirt and shorts weren't gonna cut it, I'd kick you to the curb real quick. I know my worth, and I don't go through my day trying to please others. If you're happy in your t-shirt and shorts, awesome! If you're happy dressing up on a daily basis, that's cool too! Just be yourself!

You do not have to change how you go through your life, just because some pathetic excuse for a man told you he expects more.

I grew up a very strong-minded young lady, and I didn't take crap from anyone. You don't like me? That's fine, you probably aren't my cup of tea either. If I wanna do something, I'm more than likely going to do it, and I'm going to do it my way. Contrary to many men's beliefs, women have brains that work! We are able to think on our own. We do not need you trying to tell us what to do 24/7.

If a guy tries to change your opinion on a subject, he isn't for you. If a guy makes you feel worthless, he isn't for you. If a guy tells you to act differently, he simply isn't for you. Find someone who likes you for you—not someone who wants you to change the aspects of your life that make you, you! Don't be the girl who lets guys think that it's okay to treat us like crap on a daily basis. This will ultimately lead to your own destruction!

One day, you will wake up to find that you've lost yourself, all because you wanted to impress a guy. If you change one thing about yourself for a guy, he'll want you to keep changing into what he wants you to be. By doing this, you have allowed him to play "Barbie." He will now see you as someone he can manipulate and take advantage of. Do you really want that? Take a minute and ask yourself, would you want someone to treat your daughter like this? Wouldn't you tell her to stand up for herself and get rid of him? Take your own advice, and drop him.

Teach yourself to know that your opinions of yourself are far more important than someone else's opinions of you. There will always be someone who doesn't like you, and that's okay! Don't let anyone make you feel like less of a person, because you think, act, or dress differently than they do. You are a strong, beautiful, intelligent woman, and no one can take that away from you!

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