I’ll cut to the chase; my boyfriend and I broke up a few weeks ago. It seemed that distance was too hard and something we could no longer do. Things changed. I knew that eventually things would end, but this being my first relationship, I didn’t know how to deal with a breakup. How do you go from talking everyday to not saying a single word to each other for weeks? This was what I thought to be the worst thing that could happen in my life.

But here’s a few things that make it all a little easier.

• Make sure before you decide to break up (if it’s a mutual decision) that this is really what you want. If you no longer love them or can no longer make things work, those are both good reasons to break up. If they’re cheating on you, break up. If you can’t be honest with each other, break up. The list could go on… But, if you’re just going through a rough patch, talk about it. Maybe you can work it out. (Communication is key, people.)
• Cry. Let every single emotion out through your tears (even if that means your shirt, along with your best friend’s, is soaked). It’s not healthy to keep everything bottled up inside. If you need to scream and yell a little, too, do it. I promise it will help you feel (at least a little) better. Cry until there aren’t any tears left; and then cry some more just for good measure.
• Take care of yourself! When something as big as a breakup happens, we think it’s okay to just forget about everything around us. Sure, it’s okay to take a mental/emotional health day, but you can’t let your heartbreak ruin your life. Make sure you’re eating enough, drinking plenty of fluids, and sleeping an adequate amount. Since you may already be riding an emotional rollercoaster, you need to make sure you don’t get sick on top of that.
• Along with that, take time for yourself. This means take a few extra naps, eat some chocolate and enjoy those movies your ex never would’ve watched with you. It’s okay to only care about yourself for a little while. This is expected and the people you love will completely understand. It’s a tough time and it takes a toll on you; give yourself an extra treat(or maybe just stay in pajamas for a few days. I won’t judge.)
• Write a letter. (Yes, I mean with real paper and pen!) This letter can be many things; how you feel, what you wish you could change, what the relationship meant to you…the list could go on. If you didn’t get the chance to say everything you wanted to, well, now’s the time. You can send this letter (especially if you and your ex don’t plan on seeing each other anytime soon) or you can keep it. Just remember that even though you wrote a letter to them, they may not have a response to it. Regardless, this is a good way to let all of your emotions out (if crying didn’t work) and giving yourself a little bit of relief. So, write until you run out of ink.
• Then, find a new pen and write some more. This time, about the future. Write down all of the things you wish to accomplish, what you want in life, and anything positive that will come out of this breakup. You are free to make any crazy decision you want; it no longer affects someone else. Let this be a time to think about some of your biggest dreams (maybe ones they didn’t believe in) and start believing in yourself again. You can do anything you set your mind to.
• Change your profile picture. This is probably the last thing on your mind, but you need it (especially if you had a picture with both of you in it). If this means faking a smile, then so be it. Changing it just shows that you’re strong enough to still put yourself out there. (It also helps to show that your ex no longer represents part of you; you are capable of standing all on your own.)
• Forgive yourself. Maybe you think that this breakup is your fault. (Ahem, “I didn’t try hard enough.” “I didn’t see the signs.” “I wasn’t good enough for him.” “I wasn’t worth it.” “I stopped *blank.*”) No. Do not put all of this on yourself! A relationship is a two way street. Therefore, the fault goes to both of you. It’s okay to think that maybe you could’ve changed things, but (unfortunately) it’s too late. That’s okay. All of these things running through your head are things that can’t be changed. Again, that’s okay. Forgive yourself.
• Love yourself. It’s important that no matter who you are with, you love yourself. People often say, “You have to love yourself before you can love someone else.” I don’t necessarily think that is true; you can love a lot of things and people even if you don’t love yourself. But, I do think you can forget to love yourself in the midst of giving your love to so many other things. Needless to say, find yourself again. Start off with a clean slate. Love every part of you. The part that’s overly emotional, the part that has stretch marks, the part that is a little indecisive and the part that just doesn’t fit in quite right. Love all of yourself, because you’re the only you you’ve got.
• Make a memory box. This probably sounds silly, but it’s really helpful. After your breakup you think that if you throw everything that reminds you of your ex away, you will heal faster. Not true. Someday you will want to look back and see some of your happiest times (assuming that you were, in fact, happy in your relationship). If you throw away your memories, you can’t get them back. So, put them all in a box. Whether it’s a note, a flower from your first date or the teddy bear they gave you, put it in the box. You can label the box with something simple such as “memories”… Or, channel your inner Fall Out Boy and put something like “thanks for the memories, even though they weren’t so great.” Keep “future you” in mind and hold on to those memories, even if they don’t make you happy right now.

Maybe I don’t seem credible enough to give any advice, but I can promise you at least one of these things can help. A lot of advice people give is incredibly cliché, but it also can be incredibly helpful. Take all of it to heart.

So, here’s to love and how incredibly difficult it can be. I promise you as hard as things may be right now, it will all be okay in the end.