You've got Taylor Swift's "All Too Well" on repeat, a pint of Ben and Jerry's Half Baked next your bed, and all your girls have texted you numerous times to reiterate how much of a babe you are and how you're all giving up boys for good. What is the cause of all this nonsense? I think we both know the answer: THE BOY YOU KNEW YOU SHOULDN'T BE TALKING TO. So to avoid your he's-not-into-me hibernation, here are a few tips on how to catch a player:
1. 20 Questions
This is pretty much the mating call of an 18-year-old male. You'll be talking about how much you love The Office and then BAM, he makes the most daring proposal his hormone-induced brain can think of. "Wanna play 20 questions?" he asks, and you agree. It's all fun and games when you're talking about why purple is your favorite color, and then all of a sudden he's asking what your bra size is and if you like to "Netflix and chill". Abort mission, girl.
2. The 2 a.m. Text
You've been out with your girls all night dancing and having so much fun, but in the back of your mind you're wondering why the guy you've been hitting up hasn't contacted you all day. And, although you know it's pathetic, your heart jumps a little when you read a text saying "What's uppppppp" on your iPhone while your waiting in line at Taco Bell at two in the morning. Let's be honest, he wasn't too busy before midnight to text you, and this isn't anything more than an attempt to get some action. When that hotline bling, it only means one thing - and that "one thing" is that you've just caught yourself a player. Now put your phone away and enjoy your quesadilla.
3. Gross Comments
You guys are snap-chatting and you tell him you're in your bed, expecting an "Oh that's cool (:" or "Sounds fun" You know, something chill and normal. But, a true player will think of something uncomfortable to say about ANYTHING. He'll respond with something along the lines of, "Ooooooh what if I was there (;" or "Whatchu wearing??". I'm wearing my basketball sweats from seventh grade and you wouldn't ever be in my bed so please, use your random creepy pick up lines on someone else.
4. My Momma Don't Like You
My mother is a saint. She gives everyone the benefit of the doubt and trusts my judgement with just about anyone. But if there is one thing she is right about, it's boys, and if my mom doesn't like you there's bound to be something going on. Moms have a sixth sense about guys who are about to break your heart, it's like they can smell it or something. Biebs was right when he said "My momma don't like you and she likes everyone", so taking a queue from Momma Bear never hurts.
5. Crazy Ex-Girlfriends
Strange how almost every ex-girlfriend who was cheated on ends up being called "crazy" by the guy who wronged her. If he refers to every girl he's ever dated as a "psycho", there is a red flag. Unless you know this girl is stalking him for no reason, odds are he's using the excuse of her being "mentally unstable" to avoid explaining how badly he screwed her over. Yes, everyone makes a mistake, but someone who has changed their ways owns up to it. A player will blame everyone but himself.
6. No Strings Attached
If he uses phrases such as "I don't like labels" or says "we're just having fun" when you ask him what the deal is with you two, run. Unless you're one of the girls who can handle someone referring to you as a "friend with benefits", realize that he probably isn't looking for anything remotely serious and that you have once again spotted a player. Don't settle, and realize that you're an independent woman who don't need no "strings attached".
Coming from a girl who has seen many friends question their worth over boys who aren't worth their time, I've seen the attributes that create the common stereotype of "the player". So if you see any of these red flags popping up in your flirtationship, avoid a Kim K ugly cry session, turn your read receipts on, don't respond, and go slay the rest of your day.
