I know some people believe no friendship exists between men and women (especially when they are both heterosexual), I dare to say no and offer you a guide to make friends with the opposite sex.

I am on the plane to Hawaii to visit one of my best friends, L. I would not hesitate to call him my brother from different parents. Though I am an only-child, I still understand that no one would date their brother! Neither do I; I have absolutely no intention of dating L. Neither does L want to date me (I think it’s probably because I’m too loud to be attractive to him haha).

L and I met at a Christian summer camp working together. We could not be more different from each other (though people constantly ask if we’re siblings, because we’re both Asian and we’re always seen together). I was the loudest girl on staff: my frantic laughter could probably reach the other side of the noisy dining hall; I tried the lamest prank on him yet always ended up (physically) hurting myself; my dorky jokes always made people laugh and cry at the same time; I “intelligently” decided not wearing sunscreen was a good idea and got crispy burnt; my consistent carelessness earned me bruises and cuts all over my body while I was supposed to be the archery range keeper protecting middle-school campers.

On the other hand, L was the quietest boy on staff: he smiles more often than laugh relentlessly; he was usually the target of my never successful pranks; he has the ability to tell jokes with the straightest face you’ll ever see; he always had sunscreen and lotion and urged me to put them on; he was one of the most careful person I’ve ever met. He always said, “Oh Patrice, can you just try not to hurt yourself for one day?”

To be honest, L really intimidated me at first, because he looked so serious all the time. What brought us together was when I shared my life story with a group of summer staff our age. After the meeting, L walked over and said, “Hey, I just want to let you know that I feel really related to your story. And I want you to know that you’re very loved by everyone here.” I was dumbfounded, not just because what he said, but also the fact that he initiated a conversation with me! From that moment on, we formed a pack. Our friendship flourished.

This friendship extended beyond that one summer together. L continued to be a big brother to me. He is one of the most mature boys in our age I’ve ever met. In front of L, I could be absolutely honest. I told him the worst time of my life, the biggest struggles I face, the deepest insecurity I have, the dumbest moments of my life, and the most ridiculous crushes I experienced. He never judged me. He listened when I vented, hugged me when I cried, laughed with me, prayed for me when I felt hopeless and encouraged me to move on and take actions when I felt trapped in dark moments.

All these is to say, L is my best friend with whom I feel safe, but we’re absolutely not romantically or sexually attracted to each other.

So, how do you score yourself a friend of the opposite sex?

1. Don’t be intimidated by your drastic differences. In fact, embrace these differences, because they may eventually be what draws you towards each other.
2. Be willing to be vulnerable. No one wants to be friends with someone they don’t know at all. That means, you not only want to share your highlights, but also the dark shadows and biggest mistakes in your life.
3. Keep conversations going. Don’t allow distance to be your excuse. If you need tips on how to keep a long-distance friendship alive, I’ve got some tips here.
4. Trust your gut. Have you ever noticed that sometimes your stomach drops when you’re with someone dangerous, while other times, the presence of someone can calm you down? Trust what your body is telling you about the nature of the relationship between you guys.
5. See the other person as a human being first and foremost. Why do we have to get so hung up on what sex the other person is anyways? We’re all just one of the billions and billions of humans on this earth. Look for our shared emotions before scrutinizing our different anatomical structures.