Yet again, another flame has been extinguished and I am left with burns on my tender body. Less dramatically put, I was cheated on again.

I’m tired, so incredibly tired of this pattern my relationships tend to follow. The cycle always begins so simply: being so excited over a boy, the spontaneous dates, the late-night calls, the eagerness to be with each other. It is then followed with the dreaded transition to him being passive aggressive, jealous, the real ugly stuff every girl hates to see her relationship become. Lastly, it takes a turn for the worst and ends with him no longer caring to be faithful to me, something he thought I would never find out about.

For years I let this get the best of me, setting my heart up just to get drug in the dirt. I’ve allowed myself to fall victim to failed relationships far too many times. But not any longer.

I’m not writing this with the intent to gain any sympathy or to call some insignificant boy out. I’m writing this so hopefully an also confused girl in the same shoes as I was in can finally stop asking, “what is wrong with me?”. I’m writing this so she can learn how to be single.

You know that totally cliché saying, “time heals all wounds”, unfortunately it doesn’t. If you are carrying bitterness with you, and if just the mention of someone’s name fills you with rage, time didn’t heal you. As much as I wish time was all it took to heal, it’s just not the case. Despite if any of my ex’s wish to know it or not, they have all left me with something. Lessons, memories, opinions, hopes, have all been gained from my past relationships, and I could never consider any of that a loss.

From a girl who has dealt with her fair share of breakups, I’ve learned a lot about what to do to get past them. More importantly, I’ve learned what not to do. A good rule of thumb for when you’re left broken hearted is to allow yourself two days of being sad. 48 hours filled with as many tears, subtweets, and pints of Halo Top your damaged little soul can manage. Any minute that passes after is meant for you to really dig deep and start working on yourself.

An unfathomable amount of your time was probably spent with your significant other, and when you’re forced to go on with your life without them it’s easy to feel a little bit lost. Dedicate your newfound alone time to yourself; be selfish. Go to the gym, write a blog, spend time with your friends, watch the entire series of Friends for the second time, buy yourself something that makes you feel beautiful, do anything. Find what it is about you that makes you unapologetically you. After all, you were not made with a fire in your belly for it to be put out nor were you made with such density so that you’d be easy to swallow.

There is such a negative façade placed on being single, and that shouldn’t be the case. Just because you’re alone in no way means you’re lonely. There is no step by step guide on how to cope with it, especially because everyone has a different story. But finding peace with the fact that you are one step closer and preparing yourself to find who you’re meant to spend the rest of your life with is a damn good place to start.

My newfound girl crush, Sophia Amoruso said “If you believe what you’re doing will have positive results, it will- even if it’s not immediately obvious”, and I’ve taken that advice and ran with it. Don’t look at it any other way than this; you were fine before him and you’re going to be even better off after him.