My mother has always encouraged me, beginning when I was young, to be my own person. She prides herself on being an independent woman, and she is the main reason why I carry that sentiment with me to this day.
Until recently, I never truly appreciated just how independent the women in my life were. A great deal of my female relatives are unmarried or childless (though having children or a husband does not mandate forgoing independence entirely). As I watched the women around me thriving, I was exposed at an early age to a life that didn’t have to be dependent on anyone else.
A life of independence has always sounded appealing to me, but it must be clarified that perceptions of independence are sometimes false and unrealistic. Unfortunately, many people still align with the school of thought that an independent woman is just one of those man-hating feminazis who live under a bridge. These people assume being independent means you can’t have a loving partner or a supportive group of girlfriends or a close-knit family unit.
Sorry, naysayers: you can have it all! I consider myself strongly independent, yet I have a wonderful group of friends and relatives who are always willing to help if I need it. (That’s another thing: never be afraid to ask for help. It might bruise your ego momentarily, but you’ll be much better off once you admit you don’t know everything.)
My mother’s major philosophy is that you should work to please only yourself; no partner, friend, or relative should dictate how you should live your life. I take that to heart in everything I do. Yes, I still have to live up to certain expectations (my parents do pay for my tuition), but anything open to choice should be left up to my own personal standards.
As a career-focused young woman, I know what my values are and what makes me happy and fulfilled in life. I’m still figuring out my identity and learning from my mistakes, but these are things that will not subside anytime soon.
You might feel like you have to make everyone else happy, and believe me, I often have a difficult time separating my goals from those placed upon me by others, but you have to learn how to hear your own voice among the cacophony. The pressures in this world that weigh us down are merely distractions attempting to wedge their way into our priorities. Once you eliminate the excess, you will understand how to put yourself first.
Go at your own pace. Learn what you like and what you don’t want in life. Trust your intuition and refuse to let others determine your standards. Listen to yourself, and you’ll be so much better off when you realize this is your life – live it how you want to live it.
