More than two years ago, I was still single and always was. I was a much different person in many ways, not dramatically different, but my sense of appreciation and the way I spoke had a notable contrast compared to today. Weeks, months and years into the relationship, I had to take traits of mine that I already had and bring them up a notch, and even gain new ones. I wouldn’t say it was the woman that changed me, but it was through her that I learned what I was missing and needed, as well as what qualities I needed to strengthen.

Any person that enters a relationship goes through this, but the changes are particularly notable for men. To an extent, it’s changing to meet the needs of the lady, but on a greater scale it’s about finding what was missing and needed to live a fruitful life. Usually, like in the case of my relationship, the lady is already warm, patient, gentle, and caring above all else. It’s just something women tend to express much more than men, who ordinarily keep to themselves, keep things as simple as possible, and are often very individualistic. Thus, learning to become better for their significant other can be an arduous process. But, with the right person, she will be the catalyst for the changes that will make you a better man and human being.

For me, this is an ongoing process. With every mistake, fall, or new situation I realize something new and build from that. Of course, the first change I underwent is flexibility. If one thing was clear from the get-go, it was that a relationship will not last if either partner is too stubborn to make the necessary changes. Again, this applies for women as well, but more often than not men are the biggest culprit, often due to ego and inherent individualism. I remember a few weeks into dating my girl that we were taking an organic chemistry class together. She was stressed beyond belief and had a difficult time in just this particular subject. She was golden in everything but this and our next test was in just a few hours. She panicked, on the verge of tears, while I was calm and relaxed, taking the same test as her. I was tired of all the moping and crying, and just walked out. That day marked when I realized that she is so similar to me but vastly different in many other ways; it is up to both of us to meet halfway, and if necessary, meet her all the way. I need to become comfortable with the idea that I am no longer alone, and I am responsible for how she feels, how to make her stronger, and how to be more patient and understanding for her. That was the beginning of the many other changes to come.

I began to learn to carry my own weight in the relationship. Too often I wouldn’t put forth the same effort in finding great spots for a date and doing things that made her happy. I procrastinated too much and whined about things that there was no need to. Simply put, I took a big step forward in understanding my role and value in the relationship as well as acknowledging that the efforts I put forth in my work display the type of man that I am. No girl wants to be with a person who can’t take care of themselves or handle serious responsibilities in such a slow and unmotivated manner. It was through my girlfriend that I learned to be stronger, more caring, and capable when it came to both her and my own work.

Acceptance was a difficult lesson to swallow. You and your partner are different. As many similarities as you may have, there are without a doubt positive and negative differences. This is a lesson that both men and women learn in just about the same way. Sometimes these differences are or are not their fault, but it is up to you to confront those differences. If they are positive, learn and develop from them. If they are negative, acceptance is vital. That’s not to say they should be left alone; partners evolve alongside each other, and negative problems must be tackled. When it comes to your own negative differences, it is vital to recognize that they are an issue and learn. Just because you may think it is okay, does not mean it is. If it is your partner that has a negative difference, approach them and help solve it. It takes patience, persistence, and understanding but they can be solved. If you approach a relationship without any intention of helping each other in such away, it will perish before you know it.

Lastly, I began to enjoy the little things. Watching T.V. for twenty minutes with her would be the highlight of my day. Eating a decent meal and sharing a few laughs would be all I needed to get through a day. That began to extend to my everyday life as well. I would smile more and laugh, make jokes and relax more. Before this relationship I kept thinking too big, thinking too large and taking everything far too seriously. This can be detrimental to your happiness, as it certainly was for me. I learned that is partially up to ourselves to be happy, and that can come from the smallest of things that we often leave unappreciated.

All these lessons and countless more I would never have been able to fit in this piece have helped me transition into adulthood and helped become a man both for my lady and for myself. My growth affected both me and her for the better, and that is the development that needs to be found in relationships; arguments and friction aren't always a bad thing, and when it gives us the opportunity to learn as it did for me, it is absolutely worth it. So let this be a thank you to my lady for guiding me down a better path; it has made this a better life to live.