We all have those things that we aren't happy with, things that we just want to get rid of. We live in a society that is constantly telling us we are never enough, so it's only natural. We all want better bodies, prettier faces, nicer clothes, fuller wallets- but have you ever wished you could change your race? Have you ever thought, my whole life would be substantially easier if I were white? Well, I certainly have.
I was brought into the world by a mother of Chinese descent and father of Polish descent. My ethnicity has been a guessing game for people all my life. I've been asked if I'm Latina, Puerto Rican, Hawaiian, varying types of Asian, the list goes on. I used to think it was so cool to be a mysterious person of color who had an unidentifiable look. I was always proud of my ethnic background and for the longest time I didn't mind the racial jokes and comments I would hear day to day. Throughout high school, I got slightly more defensive about my race and then I got to college and my whole perspective changed.
After high school, I moved to New York City to continue my study of musical theater. I had always known that this career path was predominantly white, but I really had no idea until I took a step into the real world. I started seeing Broadway shows and noticed that many of them included little to no ethnic diversity. Casting calls actively sought out mainly Caucasian actors. The one show I saw with a mostly Asian cast closed three months after the opening. I never realized that there was such a huge lack of ethnic diversity in real world theater and even more so for Asians.
For some reason people seemed to act differently about race when I got out of high school. I'm not sure if it was the change of scenery or if I finally just acknowledged the horrible reality that these comments and ways of thinking are very real despite their impropriety. It wasn't the first time I had been the only person of Asian descent in a community, but it was the first time people seemed to never stopped talking about it. In every situation, there was something to be said about my race and I quickly lost my tolerance for it.
"You're pretty for an Asian," "you have x, y and z because you're Asian," "you're my favorite Asian," or "you could never be this because you're Asian," are a few of the comments I have had to hear my entire life. They used to be okay and I used to take them, maybe even agree with them, but I will not stand for them anymore. I am not an object nor am I a different species. My natural abilities and features and all the skills that I have worked my butt off to acquire and improve are not a result of my race. In the same way, I shouldn't have to worry about not getting hired in an already difficult field of work because I am not fully Caucasian.
It's hard to be seen as something and not just seen as a human being. It's not fair that all of my Caucasian friends get to offend me with their comments when I have no defense whatsoever. It makes me feel alienated, like I don't belong. I hate feeling this way. There is no feeling worse than wanting to change something permanent about yourself that you should be proud of.
To most of the outside world, all I am is my race. I am nothing more than the shape of my eyes and the color of my hair and skin. I hope that one day I will be able to be seen as me and not just "the Asian." I hope that one day, people will recognize my ethnicity as the expression of the incredible, rich culture and history that it is and not use it as a tool of degradation.
The next time you are about to make an unnecessary comment on someone's race, please just stop and think. How might you feel if someone said those things to you every day of your life? You may think it will be a funny joke or that it won't be a big deal, but those words actually hurt more than you will ever know. Take it from someone who struggles every day to feel like she is as valuable as any other fully white person. I ask you and every other person of color asks you to respect us and ask yourself if the comment you are about to make is worth all the mental damage you are about to inflict.
I have no reason to apologize for what I am. I shouldn't have to feel like I am not enough because of the ignorant words of others. I am a young, determined, hard-working female who deserves to be proud of her heritage. I am a person, just like you. Some of my ancestors probably just came from a different place than yours. The same goes for each and every other person of color in the world. We are people too, so please don't treat us any other way.
