Through millions of years of evolution, humans are (debatably) the only creatures on Earth who feel complex emotions. From a utilitarian point of view, most emotions make sense in terms of survival. If we were still primal beings, emotions would be integral for our safety. One of the most important emotions is love. Love is what drives us to care for our offspring, who would otherwise be useless. It helps us establish all kinds of relationships and communities. With the rise of technology, emotions can seem a bit superfluous from time to time. We are able to do much more than survive now. We can create, explore, and experience every corner of the world if we so choose. From this, we can feel all sorts of emotions and I would argue that you could get a lot of love from many other things, not just humans.

I’m not going to go into why I think love has become what it is today, it would take far too long, but I will at least state that I believe that it has a lot to do with capitalism. People are able to make money off of love—Valentine’s Day is a prime example of this. But even before all of that, there was a switch in how monogamous relationships are viewed in modern societies.

An idea that I have heard from time to time is that Shakespeare invented love. I have not looked into that much, but there’s a common belief held that Romeo and Juliet paved the way for modern relationships. The whole concept of dying for love or not being able to live without each other was seldom seen before this play. Marriage was more out of practicality than feelings. It was a way for women to survive and a way for families to extend their bloodlines. Basically, it was just instinctual. There was no “true love,” or “fate,” or any of that fantasy stuff. Since Shakespeare’s time, people have been spending much of their lives waiting and searching for some kind of magical spark, one that I do not believe exists.

This is not to say that I don’t believe in love at all. I experience love in countless ways every day, mainly through my friends and family, and I’d say that it is just as fulfilling as whatever the movies and songs are trying to sell to us. We are bombarded on a daily basis from all types of media that love is essential for our happiness, but not just any kind of love. Not the love you get when you’re laughing so hard with your best friends you think might die, not the love you feel when you experience something new and exciting for the first time; No, they only show us heteronormative and monogamous love. And they make it seem like this is the best kind and the key to happiness. I have watched people around me my whole life fall victim to these harmful ideals and the kind of pain they put themselves through is almost unbearable to watch. Jumping from relationship to relationship, often with toxic individuals, is a common trend in this country. It’s never as good as the movies. It usually leaves us feeling drained, undesirable, and unlovable. I have been here before but I am lucky to have realized at a young age that it’s all garbage. This is not to say that I don’t occasionally daydream about being swept off my feet by some handsome and loving man who I will be eternally happy with… I’m only human, but I can recognize that these are not natural thoughts and that they have been shaped by popular culture.

I feel lucky to have this viewpoint. My life is so full of love because of this, literally overflowing with it. In addition, I know that if I ever choose to be with someone in a serious relationship (which hopefully won’t be for a very long time), that it won’t be out of insecurity or fear. I know that it will be because I have actively chosen to love and share myself with them, and more importantly, I’ll know that they are not imperative for my happiness. Though important, they will only be a small fraction of the love I give and receive.