My mother has always had the best little quips in life. One of my personal favorites (that my brother and I hear all the time) is the line "Don't be a jerk."
It's simple, really; if something is going on and you have a chance to be mean, just don't.
Don't be a jerk.
This does, however, see insanely difficult for a massive chunk of the population. So here are some friendly reminders on how to not be a jerk!
1. If it's not about you, don't make it about you.
I am sorry, sunshine, but sometimes (yes, every once in a while) the world won't revolve around you. I don't care if your day actually was worse or better, or if you are offended by something that wasn't even said in your general direction. If it isn't about you, don't be a jerk and make it about you. No one likes that person.
2. If a person is going through a rough time, don't force advice down their throat.
I get it, you feel the need to fix people, or tell them how to live their life is overwhelming. Yet, if they didn't ask for you to go on some tangent of advice, then they probably don't want to hear a peep from you. The moment you open that vortex of words, they will hate you. Suddenly, they are no longer upset about the thing they were upset about, now, they are upset with you. Good job.
3. If a person is having a financially hard period, don't make them your personal charity case.
While they probably do want you to buy all their groceries for them, it also makes them feel defeated, as if they can't take care of themselves. If you aren't their parent or significant other, you have absolutely no place in treating them like a charity. If they don't ask for the favor, don't make them feel like they have to take it. That's a bunch of manipulative bullsh*t disguised as do-gooding. And while we're on the topic of money...
4. If you know they are having a hard time with money, try to refrain from talking about how much you have.
It's great, really that you have so much cash that you probably could actually roll around in it come pay day, but when a person is trying to make meets end by eating the same godforsaken thing for a week, talking about how much money you have, or will have, will bug the crap out of them. So will comments about how it's unhealthy to eat the same thing every day, or how that must be boring. Yes, it is; no, they don't care.
5. If you have a chance to take the classic piece of advice "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all," I recommend taking it.
No matter how close you are to a person, telling them they don't look good, that they are being dumb, that their feelings are wrong, or whatever mean thing it is you want to say to them, is just being a jerk. Think about it; the only outcome is making someone feel like crap. Do you want a gold star for that? Do you want respect for not giving respect?
6. Your opinions are not facts, so don't act like they are.
I don't care if it isn't your 'style' or your religion, or whatever it is you don't agree with. If it isn't a fact, then kindly back the eff off. No one wants to hear some self-righteous person go on a tirade about why their way of life is better than others' ways. No one cares. Humans lead a variety of different lifestyles and none of them are "wrong," so don't act like they are.
7. If you have roommates, you should try to be considerate of their schedule.
If you never know when they are home or when they are going somewhere early, then you could inadvertently make their life harder. Like, if your roommate has to be up at 6 a.m., you probably shouldn't be a jerk and talk really loudly right next to the wall where her head is (sorry, Alyssa!). Also don't get mad if sometimes you don't see your roommate; lives are complicated things, and living with someone does not mean that you spend every waking second with them. Let them live.
8. Learn the rules of walking on the sidewalk.
If you walk like a snail riding a turtle, then you should probably leave room for people to pass you. If you don't do that, you are the worst kind of person. People have places to go and things to do. You can take your stroll on the right-hand side and not in the middle; it is, in fact, possible. And while on the topic of sidewalks, if you are walking side by side and see some innocent stranger coming at you, the proper thing to do is get out of their way and walk behind your friend. You don't glare at them and get mad when they push you into bushes.
9. Don't "vanish."
Lately, a new term has come around to explain the phenomenon of a classic jerk move. The one where you just vanish. I'm not talking about actually forgetting to reply, because that is a whole different problem. I'm talking about when you purposefully just stop communicating instead of saying "I'm not interested in you." Why do people do this? Do we hate humanity so much that instead of just being honest, we have to be the worst kind of human? Are we okay with people out there disliking us for vanishing from the face of the earth? Don't be that guy (or girl).
10. Here we have the ultimate worst thing you can do (if you do this, you can get a gold star in being a total jerk): bail on plans.
If you make plans with someone, you best believe you should keep them. I mean, of course there are exceptions to the rule for things out of your control. If your car breaks down, a family thing comes up, or other actually important things, it is reasonable to re-schedule. But if 30 minutes beforehand, you send a text saying "Hey, can't make it," and that is it, you are the worst. THE WORST. No ifs, ands, or buts. That goes for not texting and simply not showing up, which is bailing by ghosting, or making up excuses every time. Don't be that person. Don't be a total dick. Don't bail on plans you made. That other person carved out a chunk of their time for you. They rearranged their week for you. They really did, so don't pull that crap on them.
It's really not that hard to just be a considerate person. If you just step out of your shoes for a millisecond, you can then start to realize that the world isn't revolving around you, and other people are, in fact, just trying to live their friggin' lives.
