When I was born in the mountains of Gainesville, Georgia in the year of 1994, my parents were more than stoked to have a baby girl. After some time passed, their marriage on the other hand was not the best and soon a divorce was filed.
Three years later, my father remarried and before I knew it, he and my step-mother gave me a baby sister. Two years after her, I had a baby brother and then after five more years, another baby brother joined the clan.
Before this, I was known as an only child, and in many ways I still was since I mostly lived with my mom. But when I visited my father on weekends or holidays, I became the older sister that was looked up to. It was at first an exciting feat I was happy to take on, but once I was in, I became annoyed with learning how to teach the younger humans how to do things.
First off, I never considered my younger siblings my step-sister and step-brothers; they were my blood and nothing more separated us. But where I struggled was realizing that I had to set an example for them when it came to life, school, work, etiquette, cleaning, cooking; it was all on me to be the primary example regardless of our parents already teaching us. I was looked up to because I was the "test" sibling who did it all first. There have been so many times when my parents would ask my siblings to do something and they said, "I don't know how to do that." Then I would be the first person my parents called asking, "Why didn't you teach your sister or brother how to do this?" As if I was the person who knew the answer to everything!
It seems laughable and like it's too much weight to place on a kid, but this goes for all those who are the older sibling of their family.
Whether you believe it or not, your younger siblings will always look up to you, even if you don't expect them to, because they figure you've done it all before they came into the world. You are the person they expect to understand when they get in trouble at school or grounded by your parents. You are their best friend- their person from the beginning and you are for the rest of their life.
My little sister, and she'll hate me for saying this, used to follow me around everywhere. I mean everywhere. If I walked to the bathroom, she waited outside the door. If I went to the kitchen for a late night snack, she would go too. I hated it so much, and my dad literally had to explain to me that I was the only other girl in the house besides her mom that she looked up to.
Funny thing is that when my second youngest brother was born, he followed my first younger brother around like my sister used to do to me. And when he became annoyed, I was the one to explain to him that he was the only boy in the house besides our dad that he looked up to.
So by my teenage years, I realized that my selfish feelings of not wanting to be the go-to sibling changed to the go-to older sister who had to be there if my younger siblings needed me to.
Of course there were always the thoughts of, "I don't have to be the go-to. I don't have to pick up the phone if I don't want to talk to them." But that kind of older sister was not one I wanted to be because I suffer from the little voice in my head called a conscience that guilt tripped me every time I wanted to do the opposite of the right thing. I also didn't like to disappoint those I loved.
Not only for the benefit of being the older sister to teach my younger siblings that I didn't know everything and would also tell them the truth, it also taught me responsibility. Having younger siblings taught me how to share, how not to be selfish and conceited. It taught me that I don't have to know the answers to everything and that honesty was all they were asking for when I got those phone calls at midnight.
I also noticed that by the time I went to college, they paid attention to every single thing I did so that when they went they would have an idea of how it all worked. What I studied, the classes I took, the friends I had, etc. I was the primary example, the "test" sibling who they referred to when they were lost.
And not only did I help them grow up, it also grew me up in the process as I gained wisdom over the years. And I am definitely still growing with them as they get older. I can't be perfect, because no one is, but I can tell them the truth and love them dearly as much as an older sibling could. And the more I watch them grow, loving them, telling them the truth and reassuring them that they will be alright in this crazy life is all they really need.
Unless they want to go rob a bank and get arrested, then I'm leaving them in jail for our parents to find out and tear them to threads cause I know they didn't get that behavior from me.
