My grandfather saved my life. In the most horrible, horrible way.
Let's go back in time a bit...
My mom grew up having not known her father since she was small, and I grew up not knowing my grandfather. My mom was always somewhat searching for her father and desperately wanted to find him and develop a relationship with him (I mean do you blame her?).
Flash forward...
About five years ago my mom found her dad. It was pretty much like a scene out of a movie, she talked to him on the phone and found out that he only lived a few hours away from us and even in the same state (which is not even the same state my mother was born or grew up in)! The next few months played out so well. My mother would talk to her dad on the phone, visit on the weekends, and try to make up for lost time between the two. One time, my siblings and I even went with her and it somewhat felt that we were getting the extended family we had always hoped for (my extended family on my mom's side is super small). My mom was the happiest I had seen her in a long while, and all of us were happier because she was happier.
Then came that day...
My mom got a phone call one morning and I knew something was wrong. She was crying and her and my step-dad were being very hush hush. I was only sixteen, but still the oldest so I was one of the first siblings to know..my grandfather had killed himself.
I was so mad. Looking back now, I can remember just how mad I was at him. "How could he do this to her," I thought. She had spent her entire life without him, only to find him and this happen. How could he be so selfish. I was furious, and stayed that way a long time until I could come to terms.
I now realize that he saw no other way out, and no one who commits suicide is in their right mind at the time. Suicide is a disease. I am no longer mad at him, I am sad for him, for my mom, and also extremely grateful to him.
Because of him, I have been able to see how your own depression and suicide affects those around you. Because of him, no matter how low I ever get or will get in my life, that will never be an option because I care too much for those around me. Because of his choice, I and others in my family will never make that choice. While I wish he would haven chosen to stay, work through what ever he was going through, and finish out his life with his family; I now understand that he didn't see that in his future. His story has allowed us to tell our story, in hopes of saving another person.
Even though he didn't know my birthday, how I grew up, or won't get to see me get married; my grandfather saved my life. I am forever thankful.
