Just after I turned 17, approximately seven years ago, I experienced one of the most painful heartaches of my life. That's really not saying much, considering my life thus far has been full of privilege and relatively easy, but it was a big deal to the teenage me. Looking back, I feel stupid for even feeling sad about it at all.
A boy I'd been dating for almost two years dumped me the Monday following Homecoming. It wasn't like I hadn't been prepared for it, either. Had I known anything about relationships (I obviously didn't), I would have seen the signs. He was overly nice the whole day leading up to the breakup, things had felt distant between us since the dance. He had even tried to break up with me a couple months before that, to which I responded with begging him to stay. Don't judge me, but it was truly pathetic.
October 5th is the day that's burned into my memory and I never forget it, even when I'm happy. This year I heard someone say the date and briefly wondered why it sounded significant, but quickly realized why I recalled the date so easily. It's almost like the date of my rebirth. I was a naïve, closed-minded, immature girl and when the boy I thought I was going to spend forever with dumped me like a sack of potatoes, it flipped my sheltered little life upside down. I barely ate for days, I moped for months – I was a mess, and all of October was a mess. Even the next couple years, October felt like a huge weight in the very center of my soul.
But seven years have passed since that day. It was a day I wasn't sure I would make it through, and in hindsight was such a silly thing to be obsessed with. Today I am married, and I have a son who is almost one year old. I have the best job I've ever had, with the best coworkers and (dare I say) friends and I go to a kick-ass school. I own a car, and I'm a great driver. I'm an awesome mother, a decent cook, a great writer and I'm hardworking and smart. Without my teenage breakup, I might not be where I am today. But I am who I am in spite of the bigger things that knocked me down for good.
If I could magically appear to my 17 or 16 year old self, I would tell her to not put all her faith in a high school relationship. I would tell her that she's not as smart as she thinks she is, and that she has a lot of learning left to do. I would tell her to invest more time in her friendships, and take more challenging AP classes. I would tell her that she is strong by herself, and that being with a man won't change her the most. Only she can change herself.
