It’s summer! Time to soak up the sun, run through the grass, swim in the water, enjoy those long afternoons, stay up late thinking introspectively, sing, dream, sleep, wonder, wish and play … nope! All of that is dead, and it’s never coming back! But fear not, you get something just as exciting, your very own summer internship! After spending months of whoring yourself out to every company that’s desperate enough to take you, you’ve made it to the minor leagues! The world of full-time unpaid labor!
At your internship, you get to do exciting things, like sit in beige rooms with dozens of other interns doing menial tasks that no paid employee feels like doing. Do you like the summer sunshine? Interns get something better — dim fluorescent lighting that will give you severe migraines! Do you like wearing comfortable clothes and staying active? Internships have that beat by a mile! At your internship, you get to wear a full suit and sit in a room with absolutely no circulation or natural light while sitting in plastic chairs that were bought wholesale at the cheapest price available! Do you like seeing your friends? No one cares what you like!
But it’s all worth it in the end! Your supervisor is sure to write you a killer recommendation for academic credit, and by academic credit, I don’t mean real academic credit. I mean Career Center Academic Credit! That’s right, your college came up with a nifty way to skirt around your state’s laws regarding fair wages by creating a completely meaningless program that allows companies to take complete advantage of your labor without any compensation! Besides, who wants regular old boring academic credit that actually counts towards your major or graduation? Real academic credit requires a long, boring process of getting approval from a professor, mailing it to your school and then shelling out thousands of dollars so that you can get the gold star of approval from your accredited university.
This article is sarcastic; don't take it seriously.
