Everyone seems to think that love is something you need to have for yourself first before someone else comes along to love you the right way.
Well, I am a living testament to the disproof of that theory.
I always struggled with loving myself. The concept never clicked for me no matter what people would say. It didn’t really help when people gave their opinions of me because people have told me that I am beautiful, but people have also told me that I am ugly.
So the only real solution I found for myself was to always work toward improvement, be it with makeup, new clothes or a better hairstyle. I couldn’t be me because I was hidden behind the need to be better than who I was and what I looked like.
Dating, even though I thought it helped at first, only seem to make matters a lot worse. It seemed like every guy I dated had a different way that they wanted me to look. Which contributed to more confusion. To please them, I adjusted accordingly.
For example, one of my exes told me short hair was too masculine and he did not like it, so I got it braided, then he told me my braids “made him itch” so I took them out. I often found it impossible to please him but I wanted his love, so I changed however I needed to in order to keep him around.
Looking back, I realize that it wasn’t love that he was giving me and I certainly wasn’t loving myself. However, I couldn’t let my fear control me anymore, the fear of being alone and unloved and not good enough for others. Thankfully, I eventually did get strong enough to get out of that relationship and started my journey of self-love.
The start of my journey was realizing that I wanted to love myself unconditionally like I should have all my life. Unfortunately, that was as far as I could get by myself. The second step was realizing that I needed help to see my worth.
Then I met a man, who loved me beyond my makeup, my clothes and my hair but I was too blind to see it at first. He would tell me that he loved my hair the edges shaved, he called me things like creative and expressive and a work of art. These words meant more to me than being called cute or sexy ever did.
Support for anything I do has always meant the world to me. Since I was trying to find myself in order to love myself, support was something I really needed. I think I went through about seven phases before I found the self that I loved. I cut my hair, dyed it, pierced my nose, got a tattoo and he supported me though it all. It felt so good to be making the choices for my own life instead of someone making them for me.
The fact that this man choose to love me though it all, is what taught me self-love. It taught me that no matter what I looked like I can always love me, just like he does. Which ultimately lead me to self-acceptance.
The end result you ask? Well I have done things that I never thought I would see myself doing. My hair is completely cut off, no need for weaves or dyes. I took my piercing out because that wasn’t actually what I wanted to begin with, I just thought it would improve my face.
The very best part of finding self-love in my relationship is the look on his face when it was all done. All natural skin, short hair, and being able to look in the mirror and smile at myself because I finally see my beauty. When my boyfriend see me he says,
“This is the you I have been waiting for. You in your purist state, no makeup or anything required, you are beautiful as you. Seeing you in the morning right after you wake up, bedhead, pajamas, sleep in your eyes and all is my favorite way of seeing you.”
--MR
It’s important that we as women realize that self-love is so important because it opens an entire new world for us. Free of insecurities, much more confidence and the ability to understand our worth. Sometimes it’s hard to obtain by yourself and that’s okay. It does not matter how you achieve self-love, all that matters is that you get there.
