Selfie! Hashtag! Duck face! Semi-inspirational Quote!
I think it goes without saying, but social media just keeps evolving and coming up with new ways to entertain (or confuse). If you're like I am, and you can't stand some of the annoying things people chose to do on social media, then this article is for you. You know, those few things that make you want to hit unfriend, unfollow and unsubscribe. There are so many obnoxious decisions people make, that I don't know where to start. But if you’re Mr. Cool and got everything going for you on every social media outlet, completely aware of proper social media etiquette, then you can just stop reading now and resume your tweeting.
These are the doss and (mainly) the dont’s of things we do a little too much of on social media.
1. Girl’s Instagram Captions
I never want to see another girl’s caption for her Instagram picture. Ever. I wish I could start a petition to ban them from doing that. Sure, the pictures girls post are great. Their pictures are the highlight of my Instagram existence. You see a beautiful girl’s smile, a couple dozen filters to block out any blemishes or anything that even remotely looks bad. Hair blowing in the wind, eyes glistening, but then in other pictures, you work your elevator eyes down to their cleavage or perhaps the “below the waist” area, and you notice how that’s actually the focus of the entire picture. Then you work your eyes down a little lower and the caption is “Live, Laugh, Love” or “When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life you have a hundred reasons to smile” or even “Nightmare dressed like a daydream.” Not only are these captions not your original words, they also have nothing to do with the picture of your impressive body. And I know it’s all about the likes on Instagram. Your likes get in the 80s, 90s, maybe even in the 100s for posting these kinds of pictures. But your caption may as well be “#booty.” It would be more accurate since that’s exactly what’s staring me in the face AND making the guys chuckle. You'd get more likes with honesty.
2. Guy's Instagram Captions
More egotistical, but equally unnecessary, are guys' Instagram captions. Unless you lost 50 pounds of fat, gained 50 pounds of muscle, went from looking like one of the characters from "Glee" to The Rock, and are going for what really is an impressive reflection of your hard work, deeming it an acceptable transformation Tuesday, don’t upload any shirtless mirror pictures with the caption “#TeamGetSwole #NoDaysOff #LegDay #DoYouEven Lift.” I know you're the man and all; you've made it clear with the 10 other shirtless pictures, but we're just not as into your muscles as you are. Yeah, it’s great that you're in shape, but letting the world know that you hit the gym over and over isn't exactly something all your followers need to be aware of.
3. The "struggle" of X-Pro II or Lo-Fi filter.
They’re practically the same. No need to continue thinking for 15 minutes which one to use. You’ll look pretty and badass at the same time with either one.
Ah, one of the more recent Facebook feature additions, but quite possibly the most pointless: the feeling option. So and so is feeling angry or sad or empty or meh or blah (those are actual options). I can guarantee you that no one scrolls through their newsfeed and feels the emotion that you've posted. Sure, you might get sad if someone posts a long status about their dog dying, but just saying “John Smith is feeling confused” conveys no emotion and carries no substance. Bottom line: You can't share feelings with someone over the Internet. Tell your friends in person if you're having a bad day. It’s 2015. Feelings on Facebook are a thing of the past.
5. Getting invited to play Candy Crush from someone you barely talk to.
This has been happening for years. How is this game not banned for excessive invitations to play it? I've never played it, never will play it. Like I said, it is 2015, and if you're still playing games on Facebook, you might want to consider going outside and smelling the daisies.
6. Girls Snapchatting about how gorgeous the weather is when, again, all you can see is their tan, hot dog legs and their bikini.
If you girls think you're being subtle, we're way ahead of you. To avoid being lame, you may as well take a picture of the sun and clouds and then caption it “I'm so hot today." Get it? You don't have to be just talking about the weather ... Just trust me, it will tease your viewers instead of irritating them with a meaningless caption for a cute, summertime body.
I think that about wraps it up for this installment of things you should stop doing on social media. I could go on, but I have to go flex in the mirror and take a picture of my abs, and maybe invite some friends to play Facebook Tetris with me. #Swole. #EndOfArticle.