Throughout my years of adolescence, happiness was a feeling that I very rarely possessed. Between the loss of close family members, boy troubles, and medical issues, I never felt that I had a reason to be happy.
I constantly told myself that I shouldn't even try to be happy because I would just be let down as usual. I knew that having my hopes up over the smallest things was a bad decision, and I had to be realistic.
The one part of my life that I thought made me the happiest girl in the world was my first boyfriend who I was with from the end of my freshman year to junior year of high school. The key word is "thought."
Over time, I became extremely dependent on my boyfriend, and I thought that it was impossible for me to be happy without him. When we broke up after being together for almost two years, I was heartbroken and became extremely depressed. I thought it was impossible for me to ever be truly happy and content with my life.
My mom continuously told me, "You cannot be happy until you learn to be happy on your own." At first, the words did not process through my mind, and I told her that I would never be happy unless I was with him. I cried and pitied myself for months on end until I finally decided that I wanted to be happy more than anything.
I started to hang out with my friends again and took up going to the gym. I found an undying amount of support from my friends and family, which I had been ignoring all along. I began to lose weight and feel good about myself, which I hadn't felt in an extremely long time.
There was always a part of me that still got sad, but I somehow found a way to love myself.
It's important for teenagers, or even people at any age, to know that there is so much more to life than worrying about if you have a boyfriend, girlfriend, or significant other. Get into the habit of having time to yourself or taking up a hobby that makes you happy. Don't wait around for someone to bring you joy, because once you find the courage, you can find it in yourself.
I am currently the happiest that I have ever been, and I realized this is because I chose happiness instead of waiting for it to find me. I have learned to appreciate and love the little things in life that I never used to think of. I am thankful for the life I've been given, and I plan on living it to the fullest.
I do not need anyone to make me happy because it is something only I can give myself. My heart still aches for the girl I used to be, begging over a dumb boy who broke my heart. However, I am happy on my own now and I can't imagine being this happy with the boy I once thought I couldn't live without.
Happiness is a choice, not a result.