We’ve all heard the horror stories of bigs mistreating their littles or

just not having that connection, but what can a little do to make that relationship sustainable and important?

At the end of the day, a big is simply a peer mentor: someone who guides their little through the weeks of new member education and watches out for them before initiation. We know this connection usually extends far past these tasks, but it is important to remember that regardless of who is labeled big or who is labeled little, both individuals are charged with the responsibility of acting like adults and recognizing that like any relationship, it takes two to tango. 

One of the first things a little should remember is appreciation. Your big has probably slaved away crafting and spent endless nights cleaning up puffy paint and modge podge. Maybe your big spent hours planning a surprise just for you. 

Most bigs will tell you that they have spent insane amounts of money on their littles just to make them feel special during spoils week. A little should never feel guilty for these things or worry about their bigs investment; rather, a little should shower their big with love and appreciation in whatever form suits your fancy. 

Nowhere are there any rules that say that a little should spoil a big, but everyone loves to feel valued. Show appreciation through spoken word, a thank you note, flowers, surprise Starbucks, or most importantly, quality time. 

Your big will be confident in their decision to take you as a little and thrilled to know that their energy was well spent. Nobody wants an unappreciative little after laboring for hours when they could have been studying.

Maybe you and your big hit it off quickly, or maybe you met them for the first time at reveal. We’ve heard all the stories. Regardless, it is important to know that while you may have chosen your big, they also chose you! They went to war for you against other members. They wanted to be a part of your unique college experience. They wanted to make you feel welcome. They saw something in you that maybe you haven’t even seen in yourself.      

As stated before, your big is a personalized peer mentor. Ask them questions! Use them as a resource! They are your person and will guide you to all the right answers. Bigs like to feel wanted. They love to feel like they are helping you. 

At the same time, not all big/little relationships will result in a new best friend. Regardless, take the time to define what it is you want in a big, and how you will send that message. Maybe it’s a monthly coffee date with a new confidant, or just someone you can call on when you need a friend. But whatever you do, don’t desert your big altogether. Nothing breaks a big’s heart faster than this. 

It’s important to understand the role of your grandbig in all of this as well. Your own big went through this same experience at one point, which means they too have their own unique circumstance established with their big. This, in turn, results in a natural expectation that is placed on the little. No, this is not fair, but it is true. 

Your big’s big may have spoiled her rotten and become her best friend, or she may have been very distant. It is important that you find your niche in this new family and understand what your big may be wanting out of her relationship with you.      

Your big is their own person, which means they grew up with her own set of values and stories. Accept your big for who they are and learn to love them for what they give. Many big/little relationships work interdependently, where the roles frequently rotate, allowing big to go to little for support and vice versa. Accept that your big may also see you as a role model, and while they are responsible for being your own first response team, you are also now a part of theirs. 

Lastly, think about why you went Greek in the first place. I’m going to guess it has something to do with wanting to make good friends and get involved. Then remember that your big is dedicating themselves to that role just for you. Take advantage of that and don’t ever take it for granted. 

Please note, not all big/little relationships are successful. Sometimes people just don’t click or drama arises. But to get the most out of this experience, start with appreciation, even for the littlest things, and cherish this as an important life lesson.