Wake up and begin the day, making sure the sun smiles at you. Get dressed leaving little to the imagination because men are pigs and any glances your way should be seen as unwanted advances. What should you expect from the inferior sex? Don’t wear makeup--you wouldn’t want anyone thinking you’re trying to gain male attention. Under no circumstances should you ever shave. In fact, draw as much attention to your body hair as possible. Dye it if you have to. If a man grimaces when you raise your arms or wear a short skirt call them “sexist.” And If you’re moody, make sure the sun doesn’t even dare to peek through your window. In fact, it shouldn’t even be there in the sky during such days, and you must be strict about it. Remember, if you’re not, everyone, including Mr. Sun, will take you for granted. Don’t be that innocent woman.
Next, think about what you want to eat. Not make--but eat. Find a man to cook for you, no matter how laborious it is. After all, you’ve been the gender discriminated against for centuries; he deserves some penance now. Even if he denies, make sure to cry, cringe and remind him of women's rights. If he doesn’t make it as good as you… do always point it out. Or, by chance, if he did as well or even better than you, acknowledge that it’s all due to your training. Remember, it’s key to always circulate the fame back to you; women have a huge legacy to keep up.
Then comes the major decisions of life, work. Demand to be paid more than all your male counterparts. Always keep your heels high, so you are taller than the normal guys. When you get in the car, avoid having men open the doors for you. You have hands to open them yourself and don’t need anyone’s help. Never look weak or needy; “Always stand tall” is now an old phrase. It’s all about standing taller now.
If a man ever tries to take you out on a date, make sure he knows you don’t need him. Order for both of you and overshare your accomplishments. Make him feel small. When the check comes and he offers to pay, cackle and refuse. Slide your platinum AMEX card with such haste he almost loses a finger trying to pay. Don’t just pay for your meal, pay for his too. Tell him you’re a feminist, and he’ll understand.
Sometimes the surrounding men are submissive; sometimes, they’re fiery. Regardless, you need to exert your womanly leash upon their necks. Cry, shout, scream— do anything it takes to get them licking your feet.
