Aside from our desire for safe spaces and our love of selfies, one of the biggest criticisms Gen Xers and Baby Boomers have for Millenials is that we cannot handle criticism. More than that, it’s that we’re incapable of dealing with failure. However, I do not think this is something limited to our generation.
Let’s be honest: failure sucks. No matter how old you are or what you’ve accomplished trying and not succeeding is not a feeling. Being told "no" is never any fun. Rejection is an awful feeling. You tried, you put the effort in, but you didn’t get what you wanted. In a society where we like to photoshop the uncomfortable parts of life away, it’s not always easy to know how to react to failure. But, it’s a loss, whether its of something you wanted, someone you wanted, or a future you saw for yourself. With loss comes grief and with grief come the five stages to acceptance, so here’s some advice on how to use the five stages to accept failure.
1. Denial: How could they have told you no? How could you have not been chosen? There’s no way they couldn’t have picked you, and yet they didn’t. Not being someone’s first choice, well, blows. However, a good way to work through denial is to learn about the why. Finding out why you weren’t selected or retracing your metaphorical steps could mean success in the future. It gives you something to work towards and room to improve.
2. Bargaining: This can be tricky. It’s tempting, and sometimes maybe a Hail Mary can work in your favor, but as a general rule begging is not an attractive quality. However, depending on what you weren’t chosen maybe you can ask if there’s some other way for you to be involved. If all else fails though I suppose contacting your nearest magic practicing friend couldn’t hurt.
3/4. Depression and Anger: These often overlap for me, so for the purposes of this article, they go together. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. When “God” closes a door he/she opens a window (a smaller entrance, but whatever). Get back on the horse. Onward and upward! Right. Right? It’s disappointing to fail. It’s an awful feeling, and I believe that before you can make lemonade you need to feel sad. Sure, it’s an honor to be nominated but it’s fine to admit that you wanted to win. It’s okay to listen to sad music, eat way too much junk food, and think of elaborate revenge plots. But remember as C.S. Lewis said, “Crying is all right in its way while it lasts. But you have to stop sooner or later, and then you still have to decide what to do.” This song also brings me joy when I encounter a setback.
5. Acceptance: So you’ve bargained, you’ve been bummed out, you’ve felt the rage, and hopefully you’ve managed to learn something from this whole ordeal. So now I guess I should say something profound. Yeah, it’s been a few sentences and failure still sucks, but it’s a part of life. However, here’s something to remember: the road to awesomeness is paved with an epic fail every once in awhile. It sounds cheesy, but ask these guys: http://www.bradaronson.com/famous-failures/
And really it’s not the failure that defines you, it’s how you react, ask JK Rowling.
