How To Be Cool On The 4th Of July In 10 Simple Steps
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Politics and Activism

How To Be Cool On The 4th Of July In 10 Simple Steps

Now you can be cool and American.

10
How To Be Cool On The 4th Of July In 10 Simple Steps

1. Tell patriotic jokes and be the life of the family barbecue.

What did one flag say to the other? Nothing. It just waved!

2. Show that you love America a little more than everyone else by dressing like Rex from Rex Kwon Do.

3. Play patriotic games.

Freedom frisbee, pin the tail on the bald eagle, etc.

4. Impress everyone with your knowledge by telling them that fireworks are actually a Chinese invention.

You won't sound like a know-it-all. You will sound like you love America and chemical reactions.

5. Fight childhood obesity by going to a 4th of July parade and relieving children of their candy.

This woman uses a go-cart-like contraption to collect the candy in an efficient manner. You go, go-cart-girl.

6. Honor the founding fathers by using the word " 'Murica."

Bonus points if you tip your fedora while saying it.

7. Call all the food by its independence name: freedom fries, liberty burgers, justice juice (beer), etc.

T-t-t-tasty tasty!

8. If you see someone who isn't wearing red, white, and blue, patriotically poke them in the eyes with the mini flag toothpicks that are topping your liberty burger.

Just remember to properly dispose of them at your nearest American Legion Post.

9. Make sure everyone knows that the U.S. legally separated from Great Britain on July 2nd.

They'd already know this if they truly love America or if they've seen the HBO miniseries John Adams.

10. Make a Facebook status reminding everyone of the true meaning of Independence Day: Jesus.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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