Confrontation is a dirty word. Someone who is "confrontational" gets such a negative response. There is such a powerful, negative stigma around the word. Confrontation leads to conflict, but conflict is not necessarily bad either. In my communication class this week, we covered the management of conflict, and it confirmed what I already knew: Confrontation leads to conflict, and that can be very good.

Before we jump in, confrontation needs to be defined, and I've heard it done several ways. "A hostile or argumentative meeting or situation between opposing parties," "a face-to-face meeting," "an act of confronting," "an argument or fight" and finally "expressed struggle between parties who perceive incompatible goals."

All of these definitions are helpful to understand confrontation, (besides 'an act of confronting,' come on, really? That's no definition) but personally, I like the last one best. Confrontation is an expressed struggle between parties who perceive incompatible goals.

So how is an expressed struggle between parties who perceive incompatible goals kind? I'm glad you asked. I have three ways that confrontation, when handled correctly, makes us better people.

First, confrontation can be handled well. The biggest issue with conflict and confrontation is that so many people are scared of it and don't know how to handle it. But it can be done. Approaching a situation with a "we" mentality, rather than an "I" mentality is a key step.

This means that if you are confronted, or if you are doing the confronting, you should approach the situation with the attitude of, "how can we solve this problem," rather than, "how can I get what I want," because if you come in with a competitive nature, then you will not hear the other side, and you will operate with an incomplete view of the situation. No one ever has a complete view of a situation.

Admitting that you do not know the full situation and the solutions is important to confrontation and resolving conflict.

Confrontation also needs honesty. If you lie while during a confrontation or a conflict, you will not resolve anything. It requires open honesty to be helpful. But it needs to be kind honesty. It requires love in the honesty, rather than an attacking honesty.

Secondly, confrontation matters. Without confrontation, people don't really know what you think, and if you have an issue with someone and don't bring it up, it will not get resolved. Conflict is inevitable, and if it is never addressed, often by confrontation, then relationships will suffer and fade.

Without confrontation, there is a lack of feedback, and people end up operating largely in the dark, not knowing or understanding how their actions are affecting people. Small issues can build up and grow until they are a bigger deal than they could have been if they had been addressed when they arose.

Finally, confrontation brings people closer. Through confrontation and conflict, issues get addressed and resolved. Every relationship, platonic or romantic, runs into some sort of conflict eventually. With no ability to confront these issues as they arise, there will be little growth. Confrontation can address these issues as they pop up and help to de-escalate problems before they turn into huge issues.

Whereas all of this is true, I do not mean to make it sound like confrontation and conflict are fun and easy. They are not. These are real issues and difficult things to encounter and grapple with, and in no way are they trivial matters. But being able to confront people in a kind matter to resolve the issue is a worthwhile skill to have.

So next time there's an issue that you need to address, even if it's scary, please keep this article in mind. Healthy confrontation is the kindest thing you can do for someone, even though it's hard.