I changed and I'm proud of it.
The first step to changing is realizing you have a problem. It took a lot of self-hate to realize I needed to get help and change. I knew I had a problem when I cared about no one especially not myself. I finally realized I wasn't going to find help by self-harm or hating myself and the people around me. I truly believe you have to hit the bottom to realize that.
The second thing I needed to do was change the people I was around. I needed people that cared about me and wanted the best for me. I ended some of my longest friendships that were toxic. I knew if they wanted me to get better they would come back. They never came back.
The next thing I did was let the past and all of my regrets go. This worked miracles. I no longer blamed myself for every bad thing that has happened to me. I was done with anything that didn't affect me anymore. Also, learning to not hold grudges of all the people that did me wrong in the past.
Most of all I learned to love myself. I loved my scars, my past, and my new life. I stopped being scared to be myself. I gained respect and learned that people actually do care. I stopped staring at the mirror to feel something because I knew that feeling I got was hate. I stopped focusing on all the bad about myself.
A year later, and I struggle every day but I am a lot better than where I was. I strive to be better for me and you should too. Depression and anxiety may have got the best of me but it's not over and I refuse to let this mental illness killed me.
