My heart dropped. I glowered at the tiny “84” with a small red circle around it. It was positioned at the corner of my paper among positive comments from the professor. I didn’t bother to read through the comments. “Why say nice things and give me anything less than an A?” I thought.

The number was far from failure, but even further from perfection in my eyes. To me, failure is not what the college considers an inadequate grade or missing the first few attempts at a new activity. Failure is anything less that perfect.

Perfectionist is “a person who refuses to accept any standard short of perfection.” Back when I was a gymnast, this is what we called “hitting zero,” meaning no points were deducted. The reality is that none of us are perfect, and we never will be. The thought alone makes my chest tight. Thoughts of living my life without the pride I gain when I do well flood my mind each time I face a difficult task. I tell myself that if I am not flawless, I am worthless.

I am sure that I am not speaking for only myself as I describe what it’s like to live in fear of falling short. The expectations we place on ourselves are often far greater than those of others. It’s easy to become this way in college. To get here, we had to compete. Our test scores had to be higher, our essays had to be more fluid, and our list of extracurricular activities had to be longer. We were at odds with our classmates.

Then, we made it. We were accepted into college. Now, we spend each day watching our peers produce amazing work, we watch internship positions fill up and we watch our career path become more rocky.

This behavior seeps into every facet of our lives. No one great ever dreamed to simply play a sport, they dream of being in the spotlight. I remember telling myself that if I wasn’t the best, there was no point in doing it.

This hurts us. It pulls all the self-doubt from the depths of your brain and throws it in your face. It tells us, “You will never be good enough.” Every day the perfectionist lives with this fear. Like many other forms of self-harm, it consumes us until we can’t be anything at all. Unfortunately, this kind of thought can lead to more destructive thinking, and it needs to stop.

To break the habit, a perfectionist must come toe to toe with their biggest fear. They have to fail. Let yourself soak in that missed assignment. Allow yourself to experience what it’s like to be awful at a new sport or hobby. Forget to set an alarm. Oversleep.

There is a popular saying that says there will always be someone prettier, smarter and younger, but they will never be you. It’s a cheesy saying, but it speaks volumes. The only constant in this life is that you will always be you. Learn to fail a lot, and gain something from each failure. Learn to embrace the flaws, and most importantly, stop trying to hit zero.