This is the story of how being alone ruined me. (But, actually how it saved me.)

The old me was never alone. Going from boyfriend to boyfriend, always surrounded by friends, always constantly having someone to go to, turn to, and please. I couldn't handle hours without someone reminding me that I was loved, needed, and worth something.

It hit me one day that I had always answered to someone else. I always found my happiness in doing things for others. I would put the needs of someone else before my own. I would always do what I thought other's wanted me to do, not what I wanted to do. And I never had the chance to grow because of this. I was never caught dead eating alone, walking to class alone, or just being alone at all. I was creating a false sense of inclusiveness and self-approval. If I was always with someone I wasn't lonely, right?

When I realized that I had no idea who I was, I decided to face my fear and be alone. If I ever wanted to know my hopes, my needs, and my wants, I had to be alone.

"No one ever grew from being comfortable."

That never made sense to me until now. Being completely alone with no one to talk to or turn to, I grew. Unknowingly maturing and making decisions to better myself instead of being what someone else wanted me to be. I was comfortable when I was with someone else. Everything was planned and I never had to decide on the next step of my life. I just followed along.

Early into my self-discovery, I was worried about hurting the people around me, but I had to forget about what they wanted and focus on what I needed for a little while.The people I distanced myself from will understand that this is what I need right now. Being alone didn't mean jumping into the single party-life scene with my friends. It also didn't mean forgetting them completely.

In the end, you are choosing to release them of someone who wasn't you so the better version of you could be available to them. And the people who hold grudges for your time alone, never truly deserved you anyway. Your real friends will want the real you, and they'll be overjoyed to give you some space to become the best version of yourself. When you're ready to rejoin them, they'll welcome you back with open arms.

I was growing and changing. The old me was now ruined. Completely shattered with no hope of putting my pieces back how they were. I was more beautiful broken and glistening in the light than I was just trying to hold it together, hoping that someone would like what they saw.

Choosing to do things alone does not make you lonely. It turns you into the person you were supposed to be. Don't be afraid to be alone for a little while. Let the experience ruin you, so you can grow a little and be even better than before.