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How Babysitting Works

If you've been a sitter, you know how this goes.

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How Babysitting Works
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Over the weekend, I drove home as a favor to my parents so I could stay the night with my younger sister while they went to a Lion’s game. Seeing as I’ve been the primary babysitter for my family for years (and because I'm not a selfish monster) I agreed immediately upon being asked. But for anyone who hasn’t spent much time around middle-schoolers, let me tell you—it’s not for the faint of heart. So for those of you who haven’t had the pleasure, let me break down a typical evening with a group of girls aged 11-14.

This is nice. Everyone is excited and happy.

Yeah, let’s watch a movie—that sounds relatively painless.

Wait…wait, why are voices escalating?

No. Nononono.

TIME TO INTERVENE.

*Using hostage negation skills, help them decide on Inside Out*

Wow, you are so good at ending arguments—you’re like a Tween Whisperer.

Move over, Mary Poppins—there’s a new nanny in town.

As you make dinner (frozen pizza) you realize it’s far too quiet in the next room.

*Squint eyes*

*Creep around corner, horror-movie style*

*Breathe sigh of relief that they’re just making a blanket fort*

I don’t even know what I was worried about.

*Laugh to self as you finish making the pizza*

Oh no, abort mission. ABORT MISSION.

By the time you get back to the kids, the blanket fort has turned into multiple blanket forts and now there are teams and secret passcodes and someone is crying.

As you try to reason with them, you realize you’re not being paid enough for this.

Correction: no one could be paid enough for this.

Since when were blanket forts dramatic?

Were my friends and I like this?

God, I hope my friends and I weren’t like this.

I need to call my mother and apologize just in case.

See, now they’re all friends again.

I don’t get it.

Ok, it’s like 11:30 pm—this is late enough to tell them to go to bed, right?

They are so. Damn. Loud.

Oh crap…the soda just kicked in.

They’re so fast.

It’s like they’re teleporting.

It’s 1:00 am.

Would it be considered bad manners to chain them to their beds?

Great. They picked another movie and I’m too tired to argue.

FINALLY. THEY SLEEP.

*Get woken up at 8:45 am*

*Decide you may never want children*

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