What if I told you there was a way in which you could interact with others that would virtually guarantee that you get what you want out of any situation? A method that 99 times of 100 would have you walking away with what you wanted and maybe even more? My guess is you’d probably think I’m just pulling your leg or, more likely, simply full of shit. But maybe there’s a small slither of belief in you that such an idea really does could be true. Perhaps that’s what drove you to read this article in the first place.
Well rest assured, I am here to tell you that more often than not you can get what you want. It’s no joke, and it’s a lot easier than you might think. All it takes is simply approaching any situation with the mindset of first understanding what it is that other person wants - that’s right, not you, but rather the very person whom you are dependent on providing you with what it is you want.
For many people, this idea comes across as a seemingly paradoxical and backwards way of thinking. After all, if I want to buy something – say the new iPhone – I don’t go to the store and think, “what is it that someone wants in order for me to get the new iPhone.” I simply go and get it. While this simple example may seem to have completely disproved my entire thesis, humor me for a second by considering what it is that I may be wanting from you.
Among other things, I may want you to read this article from start to finish, post it to your Facebook wall, or even subscribe to my work. That’s all good and fine, but these are all desires you probably don’t care a bit about. So naturally my desire for them to happen clearly has little to no impact on whether or not any of them will happen. For me to achieve any of these desires, I must at some level satisfy a want or desire of your own, which in turn may lead you to satisfy a want of my own.
This is no more revolutionary an idea than the fact that I must satisfy someone else’s want of money in order to achieve my want of getting a new iPhone; yet when faced with the intricacies of human interaction, we all too often assume that our desires are the most important item to convey to people we interact with.
I really want to get this job. All my friends are going to Cabo for spring break, and I want to go too. I really want to go to Sports tonight, let’s go in 30 minutes. These are the types of things say to recruiters, our parents, and our friends, thinking that somehow conveying our want to do or have something is enough to make it happen. We forget that we are all self-interested human beings and that quite frankly no one innately cares about what it is we want.
But by shifting our focus to the wants and desires of those we interact with, we enable ourselves to better understand the motives and aspirations of others in a way that will strategically enable us to show them how it is we can give them what they want in a way that gives us what we want.
If you’re still not convinced, let’s take a moment to reconsider some of the things I said that I wanted from you, one of which was for you to read this article from start to finish. Now unless your someone close to me and you’re just reading out an obligation to our relationship – what’s up mom? – my guess is that I must have satisfied some want of yours that has driven you to get to this point. But if by some miracle I’m wrong, then go ahead and que up the Rolling Stones and close this tab while you still can, because guess what?
I just got what I want.
*Drops Mic*
