Have you ever stopped to consider that maybe the definition of Love is all wrong? That maybe we as a culture have completely misconstrued that simple four letter word? Maybe the most loving thing you can do to someone is look them straight in the face and say, “I’m sorry, but no” or “I’m sorry, but you’re wrong.” (It’s hard to imagine the word “wrong” being used correctly today.)
Of course you haven’t because you don’t want to be loved in the way you need to be. You just want to be loved how you want , which we all know is not love but passive hate. You do not want to be told that you’re wrong, that your lifestyle is off balance and is causing you harm. You don’t want to be guided by someone different and wiser than you because you are your own guide, god and savior. It’s not completely your fault, you’re just a byproduct of the greater culture surrounding you, but that is no excuse to accept passive hate as love.
The people that accept every ounce of you do not love you.
True love can only be found in Christ and Christ will tell you “no” and He will tell you that “you’re wrong” and He will not agree with you. He will show you a better life and do it all despite how you feel about Him or if you even agree with Him. True love is found within people who proclaim Christ and who do not accept every ounce of you, but love you anyway.
So what is real and true love anyway?
Let’s look at the best definition of love shall we. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
Truthfully there is a lot to these verses and on the surface it can look like Paul, the author of the passage, is contradicting himself. Allow me to deconstruct it for you.
*Clears throat*
“Love is patient”: Because no one changes overnight and no sin is conquered in one battle. It takes a city to raise a child and Love knows that he is not an island.
“Love is kind”: Because Love sees hatred toward others as an unbecoming stain on his clothing, for God hates our sins not those who sin.
“Love does not envy”: Because Love has experienced envy and has not found joy within it. Envy is a form of hatred and contempt not only for God but against the person envied.
“Love does not boast”: Because boasting would be the opposite on envy in so as to look down on those who do not have what you do, and deriding them for it. Love, once again, has not found love within the realm boasting. For in boasting one places himself above God, therefore, they are not loving God.
“Love is not proud”: Because Love knows that he does nothing on his own. Like Gideon in Judges 7:15, Gideon could have taken all the fame upon himself, but instead, he chose to worship the Lord and spread His name, giving all the glory to God.
“Love does not Dishonor others”: Because Love knows that the welfare of others goes before his very own.
“Love is not self-seeking”: Because Love understands that his treasures will not be found here on this Earth (Matthew 6).
“Love is not easily angered”: Because Love sees beyond moments and looks ahead, seeing much more than today. Love has open eyes.
“Love keeps no record of wrongs”: Because Love forgives those who have wronged him, just as the Lord has forgiven all of his sins (Ephesians 4:32).
“Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth”: Because Love rejects gossip and slander and does not laugh at the misfortune of others. He speaks only truth, even if it angers the hearer and is better for it.
“Love always protects”: Because Love loves even those whom he does not agree with, even when that means being looked down upon by others. Love stands for those who cannot stand for themselves.
“Love always trusts”: Because Love serves God, who is faithful and just. Love does not serve mortal men alone or even first, but rather the one who calls him to love. For out of Love's overflow for God does he serve those around him.
“Love always hopes”: Because Love, like not being easily angered, knows that there is more to this life and this world than this life and this world. It understands that failure will happen and others will hurt him, but Love is not of this world anymore.
“Love perseveres”: Because Love knows better than all else just how treacherous the road is and how impassable it all may seem, but love does not stop because the one who calls Love to love has not and does not plan too.
You see, I believe that many issues we face today as a culture are because people are not being loved at all because to love someone is to not allow them to do as they please. To love people is to not let them cause themselves harm nor harm to others. To love people is to say “No” or “You are wrong” or even, “You should probably stop doing those things that harm you.”
As a culture, we have become too patient, believing that in vague time, people will be better. That somehow they will find their way on their own. Likewise, our kindness has been shattered and has given way to impatience, which leads to wrath and hate for anyone unlike ourselves. We envy the rich and famous and then boast when we become like them, for we discover that money and fame do not fill the void within our being, and all boasting is birthed out of a fear of being incomplete and a longing for being whole. We kill no pride because we believe that our bootstraps are ours and ours alone to pull up and that if a man receives help he is weak.
Honor is a rare thing to find. For when it is found within a man he is deemed a fool for not thinking of himself and loving himself before he loves others. In a similar way, the self-less man is crowned a shrewd and perverted man who only wants someone for their body or money. A patient and temperate man has become looked at as aloof and unaware of what is happening around him, he is not to be trusted for his head is in the clouds. The same can be said for the man who forgives those who have hurt him, his family, or his friends.
Side Note: True forgiveness has been lost and replaced with a false sense of strength. To forgive is to be strong. It is those who hold grudges that are found weak.
The man who does not slander his boss is said to be the employee who falls on his knees before him. He is made a mockery of and slandered by those he stands beside. That same man — who will protect the ones who slander him — is deemed a fool once again and is looked upon like he has seven heads. The hopeful man and the man who never gives up — even in the darkest of nights — is worshiped by many but misunderstood by all. His motives are debated, his heart is questioned and ultimately, he and his life are seen as an anomaly and unattainable, a false god among men.
I challenge you, unbeliever, to hear the word of the Lord and to listen to what has been brought to you. Look around you and seek real true love, which does not need sex, drugs, money, food or affirming words. I won’t repeat myself, for fear of going on any longer. Just know that real love has been written to you, not only here in this small article, but in a much greater way and place, the Bible. No, you won’t like everything it says, and that is the point. Parts of it will hurt you and parts of it will uplift you but all of it is good for you, especially the parts that will go directly against how you are choosing to live your life. You can find cheap Bibles at Target or free copies at your local Church. If you’re going to get one, may I suggest the NIV or ESV versions — they say the same thing as the Old Fashioned King James, they are just easier to read.
I challenge you, fellow believer, to look at the homosexual, drunkard, slanderer, liar, glutton, prideful person, lazy slug, thief and sexual deviant and to first, not find them among you, then to love them. Love them by being patient with them — by being kind to them, by being their friend, by letting them known just where you stand with their lifestyle, by telling them that they are wrong but all the while protecting them from themselves and from those who would seek to do them harm. Then and only then, when you have been patient and kind, yet have spoken the hardest truths, will you have loved, not only them but also God with your heart, soul, mind and strength.
Know that I wrote this because I love God and because I love God, I, in return, love you.
Truly, without question or doubt, Love God in order to truly Love others (Luke 10:27).
