I recently had lunch with a friend of mine to catch up with him, see how our lives had changed since the last time we spoke, and just make sure he is doing well, but I left the meeting feeling very different than the others. I drive away that afternoon knowing I felt changed, even liberated, because I had a different mindset than all the other times I met with him. As simple as it sounds, for one of the first times in my life, I allowed myself to become completely and fully vulnerable.

When people think of the word ‘vulnerability,’ many times they will associate it with weakness or faintheartedness. It is a word that has developed such a negative connotation to where it is looked down upon to make yourself vulnerable, because the world has absentmindedly connected its meaning with a timid or aloof personality. What I learned recently however, at a simple lunch meeting with a friend, is that vulnerability is the gateway for more opportunities, relationships, and personal growth in countless ways. I understood that when I opened myself up and the things that I earnestly tried to mask were out on the table, the advice offered to me, the stories I could share with him, and our friendship as a whole, were immediately deeper than any other in my life.

After that day I curiously looked back at my life and I considered why I was so used to remaining a closed door. I grew up my entire life with one word at the frontrunner of my decisions: control. I wanted to know every minute detail about situations I was getting into in order to have a predetermined attitude, and I wanted to be able to determine whether or not the conversation, action, invitation, or whatever situation it was, was going to turn out positively. As reasonable as this sounds, and as simply that this can be synonymous with being responsible, I realized that growing up I had done myself an extreme injustice by living life this way. When I didn’t let myself become vulnerable, I did not let myself see and experience all that life has to offer. The truth is, you can make memories, have relationships, and enjoy life while having a closed personality, but this way of life lacks one crucial factor, and it is the authenticity of true connection that lies at the heart of vulnerable honestly and optimism. When I would make the choice to numb vulnerability, I also made the choice to numb the thrills that accompany accomplishment and the joy that comes with successfully taking a chance. I let myself sit on a seat of complacency that was unsteadily held up by average relationships, unoriginal interests, and zero-risk opportunities, which I was completely content with.

This notion of vulnerability, or the lack thereof, is also shown in our everyday world. Take the political realm for example; in our widely split two party system, it is challenging to believe that both sides are as adamant about their views and as strongly against the other’s views as they say they are in the honesty of their opinions, but in reality instead simply do not let themselves open op to logic, conversation, and progression because what the other side has to say may be true and sway their opinion. Politicians, businessmen and women, and a myriad of other occupations follow this same mentality, because if you are earning a living and have your belief system set in stone, why would you challenge the foundation of your certainty? What men and women must realize, especially politicians with the current state of our nation, is that vulnerability in the real world may lead to being proved wrong or swaying beliefs, but it also leads to incredible collaboration, deep relationships that lead to amazing connections, and finding out vastly more about yourself than ever imagined which in turn lets you accomplish more and more.

We all need to put an end to giving ourselves limitations, and we need to throw away the notion that complacency is the same as happiness. Connection, true and meaningful connection, is rooted in authenticity, which only stems from actually letting yourself be vulnerably authentic. Once a willingness to make mistakes, be proven wrong, and face failure is adopted, we will finally see that those negative factors are wildly outnumbered by true connections that are deeper than most and joys in life that follow chances we never thought we would take. Opportunity, success, and a genuinely fulfilled life are readily available for us to take, but only after we let ourselves face failure and uncertainty as strongly as we face success.