The weather is getting colder, Christmas decorations are slowly but surely beginning to fill the walls of your favorite stores, and you’re getting that fun holiday feeling that makes you want to belt all of your favorite holiday tunes! The most wonderful time of the year is almost here, and no one can deny that giddy feeling that’s starting to bubble up inside all of us. But before you get ready to roast those chestnuts over an open fire, let’s check out some of the fun trends emerging this winter!
Fun Scarves
Nothing says “warm, chic, and fabulous” like a cute fun scarf! They keep your neck warm and, what’s more, you’ll look flirty and cute while you chat up that hottie in line for coffee.
Candles That Smell Like Winter
Everyone loves a candle! But during the winter time, everyone especially likes a candle that smells like pine needles, or cinnamon! You can even find candles that smell like both. Better get yourself one of these before the stores run out!
Blatant Racism
Just when you were starting to get really sick and tired of having to keep your not-so-nice thoughts and feelings to yourself, America steps up and elects a president that says what’s on ALL of our minds! Now you don’t have to be afraid to excitedly tell minorities that you can’t wait to send them back to their home country, even when their home country has always been America! Or, if you want to keep it super trendy, straight up assault them with physical violence! This one’s certainly turned MY “holiDAY” into a “holiYAY!”
Wool Coats
Coats are expensive, but staying warm is important! We’re starting to see some super cute wool coats popping up in the colder cities, and we’re absolutely loving it! Chic!
Buying a Dog
Everyone loves dogs, but buying a dog in the winter time? Um, yes PLEASE! This year’s hottest dogs are the big furry ones, as well as the small furry ones. I’m going BARKERS over this one!!
Hardcore Sexism
Ladies, you can absolutely ROCK this winter’s fashion trends, but there’s no way in heck you’re fit to run a country! Can you imagine how much money Washington would have to spend on tampons? Ridiculous! This season’s hottest trend is being groped by disgusting men who will never have to pay for their actions, and getting the rights to your own body taken away by a giant orange balloon man filled with fart gas! SO haute couture!!!!
Boots!
Say goodbye to getting snow all over your feet when you walk outside barefoot, and say HELLO to boots! You wear them on your feet!
Making Your Friends Feel Bad About Their Abortions
Ugh, can you BELIEVE the nerve of some women? Getting PREGNANT on ACCIDENT? Thankfully, this winter it’s totally cool to tell your friend how selfish she is for having an abortion that will obviously undoubtedly be much harder on her than on you, but hey, we know you’re not selfish for telling her how to live the rest of her life! This trend is ESPECIALLY hot among old men who have no idea what the f*ck they’re talking about...flirty AND fun!
Sitting Down, Sometimes
Tired of standing all the time? Stop doing it! This winter, it’s totally hip to sit down instead of stand up, sometimes.
LGBTQ* Bashing
Tired of having to keep your voice down while whispering to your friend that you just don’t get how two men could BE together? Whisper no more, friend! The results are in, and everyone agrees…nonheterosexuality is finally OUT! One of the hottest trends emerging this winter is the fight against LGBTQ rights, and we’re OBSESSED. Dehumanizing a whole community is a great way to bring your family together for guaranteed holiday smiles and laughs! Happy bashing!!!!
