A phase I seemed to have skipped in life, working in the food industry, is definitely a right of passage as far as jobs go. After talking to my friends who are hostesses, this is what I picked up:

Money

Servers make double your salary most nights but they’ll wish they had an hourly rate on slow days. Hostesses might not make the most money, but it’s consistent. Also, tips are great but what’s better is only dealing with people a maximum of two minutes greeting them and walking them to their table.

Outdoor Seating

My favorite thing as a hostess is when someone walks in and says, “Is it hot outside?” I don’t know, you tell me! You’re the one who just walked in from outside! But, of course we can’t say that. I simply smile and say something like, “Our patio has shade. I’ll take you there and if it’s too hot I’ll bring you to a table inside.”

Phones

The dreaded phone rings and there’s no one else around to answer it so the burden falls on you. Time to launch into the excessively long spiel. “Good afternoon/evening. Thank you for calling [name of restaurant]. This is [your name] speaking. How may I help you?” No one wants to listen to a 45 second intro. “A reservation? Can I get a name for that please?” Nope, couldn’t hear them at all. I’ll just ask them to spell it. I’m so clever. This way I don’t have to ask them to repeat themselves. “B-E-T-H.” Wait, never mind I guess that wasn’t so clever. Now she thinks I can’t spell Beth. Fifty “I’m sorry will you please repeat that?”s later you have the reservation all set for Beth for 5 people at 6:30 until she calls 20 minutes later to tell you it’s now 10 people and they’re running late.

Lunchtime/Dinnertime Rush

The restaurant will be pretty dead with a few parties coming in sporadically and then all of a sudden 3 parties of 7 and 8 parties of 5 walk in. You don’t even have a chance to breathe as you frantically greet people and hand out buzzers(pagers?). You try to keep the masses of hungry people happy as the wait time gets longer and longer. A hostess knows it’s always better to overestimate the wait time than to underestimate it. No one wants to deal with a hungry person who was told 30 minutes ago that they would be seated in 15 minutes. It’s scary.

Needy Customers

As a hostess you hear every type of seating request imaginable. “Can I have a booth?” “Can I have a smaller booth?” “Can I have a table?” “Can I sit by the window?” “Can I sit outside?” “It’s too loud by the kitchen. Can we sit somewhere else?” “I’m here with my son and he’s on a date. Can you seat me as far away from them as possible?” For some reason no one seems to realize hostesses take people to certain tables because we have to rotate which servers we seat and give all the servers a fair chance to make tips. We have to give the customer what they want, but is your dining experience really going to be that much different at a slightly smaller booth? Also when half the restaurant is empty and we can’t seat you, it’s because we don’t have a server assigned to those tables, so don’t get mad at your hostess! We could seat you there, but no one would take your order.

Compliments

There’s nothing better than after a long, hard double shift when you go to seat a customer and they say, “I love your dress!” Thank you customers who do that. You really turn people’s days around.

Being Hit On

There are some creepy dudes in restaurants. As a hostess it’s our job to look nice, but that doesn’t make it okay for the 50 year old man to look me up and down and give a sad attempt at flirting with me. Compliments are nice. Old men trying to give me their number aren’t nice.

Losing Weight

You wouldn’t think doing laps around the restaurant would make you lose weight, but it does! Between running around seating people and not being able to snack you’ll definitely lose a few pounds.

Discounted Food

At first one of the greatest perks about working in a restaurant is the discounted food. After a couple months though, you’ll never even want to smell that food again. The thought of your favorite sesame chicken you had every day for a month straight will make you nauseous.

Closing

The number of hostesses starts to dwindle. Only two remain and you’re the closer. After a while they leave you too and you’re left to spend the final hour or two at the host stand all alone. Occasionally a party of 10 will walk in 15 minutes before close. Your boss says turn no one away and so you apologetically hand them over them to an exhausted server. The night ends with the putrid stench of the trash room and a final menu sweep. You know your pillow awaits. Something about getting to take your shoes off and slide into your sheets is getting you through the drive home.