Ah, romance. Dozens of 'surprise' roses, desperate airport embraces, lying down in the middle of a dark street to fake profundity. Lovely, right? Everything is idealized -- from the perfect dates, to the fact that every character lives in a huge studio apartment in NYC while working as a struggling artist, or something of the like. On the screen, late night walks by the beach leave out the pesky mosquito bites and cutting wind, and show only the laughter and joining of sand-covered hands. As unrealistic as most of these movies are, we often can't help but wistfully dream about living in that sort of world.
Take my former favorite rom-com, 27 Dresses, for example. Because I don't want to spoil anything (it's a happy ending for all involved), I won't go into too much detail. Basically, hopelessly romantic girl hates cynical boy, until she doesn't, he stabs her in the back, realizes the error of his ways, apologizes, and they get married on a beach. Sorry, I spoiled it. But if you notice that this sounds eerily familiar, I wouldn't be surprised.
Because who wouldn't want that? It's poetic -- love conquers all, and all that jazz. It feeds into our desire to change someone, or, more likely, to be the reason that someone changes for the better. That's quite the ego boost, right? So we dream. And love movies, books, songs -- they sell big time.
Then you have the stories like The Notebook (yes, I've watched it. Yes, I had tissues handy. Yes, I wasn't especially proud of myself. Yes, I'll probably watch it again) where love at first sight happens, and everything is passionate and fiery and beautiful. So we want that, too. We want to be madly, desperately and overwhelmingly in love with someone, and we want them to feel the same towards us. It's not rocket science.
Personal growth and passion are all things that should happen in a romantic relationship. Perhaps not as fast as they happen in movies, but when you have two hours, I suppose you work with what you've got.
The problem happens when we start to expect all of that out of our relationships all the time. All too often, love isn't expressed in sweeping gestures that are so common in these movies. Love can be bringing someone food and coffee during a rough day, remembering their favorite movie, making sure they don't go to bed upset -- not just a passionate make-out session in the pouring rain. Love can be subtle, and it can -- and should -- be more commonly practiced.
But when we're taught from an early age (looking at you, Disney), that love is almost always instant, always grandiose and passionate and always ends well, our standards get all out of whack. I'm not saying that nobody should watch Beauty And The Beast ever again (I would probably cry if that were the case), but it's important to keep in mind -- or remind children -- that real love can exist without Hollywood's setting the standard.
Idealizing life is a specialty of movies, and while they make for pretty plots, they shouldn't be viewed as reality. Just as Narnia isn't actually a real place (I know, I'm still bitter too), stories like The Lucky One or Say Anything aren't real life. If you like romantic movies, take them with a kilo of salt and allow yourself to enjoy the movie as a movie. But if you find yourself falling into a reality trap, may I suggest Frances Ha, or (500) Days ofSummer? And I'm not just picking the latter because Joseph Gordon-Levitt is in it --rather because the movie states, quite bluntly, that it is not a love story. It's a modern relationship, and the characters hurt each other as the both of them try and figure out what love is supposed to look like. Also, Joseph Gordon-Levitt is in it.
